It was Albert Einstein or Isaac Newton, it could have even been Gil Grissom that once said: “Once you look at something, you change it”.  I do know this for sure, once you look at something intensely; it changes you.

Unknown Emotions


11 years ago we adopted an orange tabby from the SPCA. Boy was he ever glad to be out of his kennel (The first day).  We took him home to a beautiful surroundings that had an upstairs and down stairs made for a wild mountain lion.

Upon the second night of getting familiar with the new kitten, he had changed. While this little 5 or 6 week old kitten was standing on the bathroom sink, I went to pick him up and “bond” with him.  He arched his little back like a Halloween cat and hissed like a Cobra.  He did the same to my wife.

We both stared at each other in disbelief.

If you adopt a pet from a rescue agency like animal control or the SPCA. Should you return the pet for “behavioral” issues; you are sending that pet to death row.  So being the responsible pet owners that we wanted to be, we kept hope that the kitten would change.  We figured a new environment would just take some getting used to.  One can surely hope can’t they?  He did warm up to my wife but only on his terms.

For 11 years, this animal was the “problem child”. Any other less responsible pet owner would have sent him back or as time went by, just had him euthanized.  We live in a culture that refers to “abortion” as “Having it taken care of”.  Your pet or baby becomes an “it”.  It’s so easy to just “Tap out”.

I considered the tabby my penitence. Sometimes God puts aggravation into your life to see how you will respond to it.  I can assure you that coming home from a long day on the road only to find that the Nike bag you left on your office floor got urinated on will test your will and emotional strength.  There were more than several times when one of us would say to the other, if you want to take him down and have him put to sleep, just  don’t tell me about it.  But for the reason of knowing right from wrong, putting up with this source of aggravation built a certain type of character.  I’ve never considered character an emotion, however; it did develop a certain hidden emotion.  Hate is an emotion.

The opposite of love is NOT hate; it’s indifference.   Sometimes indifference is a survival tool be it long term or situational.

Today; after 11 years of trying to show love for this difficult tabby, it came time to put him to sleep due to a terminal illness. This was the first euthanasia of a pet I had witnessed since I had to put “My Gool ol’ Max Dog” down 11 years ago.

That tore me up. In 2005 I had spontaneous crying attacks just driving down the road.  I would be in the shower and realize that my shadow of 9 years was gone and I would lean my head against the shower tile and cry.  I would see one of his favorite toys in “PetSmart” and get choked up.

Since then, my wife has taken our first two cats in by herself as I just couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. But for some reason, as much as I disliked this cat, I forced myself to treat it humane; I felt I had to be there for his last goodbye.

I don’t know if it was repressed and released memories of 2005 or perhaps a ball of anger, frustration and self-imposed control; but I started to tear up when I closed his eyes for the last time. I felt he needed someone to show him love one last time. This is the essence of true love.  It’s the principle of first century Christianity;  showing love to someone or thing that needs it regardless of your feelings for it.

Cat Christmas 009

It’s only human.

Fireworks and Veterans



Ironically, most Veterans would rather pass on the Fireworks aspect of Patriotism.


I was only in a life threatening situation once in my military career. My job was to keep Marines and Sailors alive.  But I recall the sound of what I thought was firecrackers.  Then M-80s.  Then I heard a whistle by my ear.  I yelled to my fellow NCO: “Get Down” he was my senior officer but green to bullet fire.  He hadn’t heard the bullet and still thought it was firecrackers.

It’s a natural tendency to evaluate the situation and look for cover. (After you drop to the ground of course.)

Years later when I was into mountain biking; I would ride in the hills above a lake I lived by. It was the second or third trip to the top of the mountain which had a gun range on it. It was the first time I had heard gun fire since my time in the service and it gave me a churning feeling in my stomach that made me want to stop and throw up.  I stopped and just evaluated the situation.  It took a while to recall that a gun club was at the top of the hill along with campgrounds.

Keep in mind, I’ve held someone else’s leg in my hand.  I’ve held their eye (separated from their head) in my hand. These are memories you can’t un-see.  I’ve been bathed in blood and purulent excretions. (Pus). But fire crackers still send chills down my spine.

I’m honored by those who get enjoyment out of watching explosion in the sky aka “The Rockets’ Red glare. Some which sound amazingly like in coming.  Personally, on the night of July 4th, I enjoy turning up the television.  All I can ask is if you have a young returning Veteran in your neighborhood that has seen action, hold your fireworks display someplace else should you wish to be thoughtful.



In CHINA, It’s the 4th of July; In The U.S. it’s INDEPENDENCE DAY

(One of my first blog entries from 2005)

Moon Flag and Earth

I’ve finally reached the end of my rope with Americans that don’t respect their country. And I know they mean well, but damn it, Today is “Independece Day”. The 4th of July is just a day on the calender. Independence Day should make you reflect on the sacrifices of the “MinuteMen” and “The Sons of The American Revolution” . It should make you think about the courage of the George Washingtons, Thomas Jeffersons and Nathan Hale. Nathan Hale was barely 21 when he chose death over selling out his country. He was hung as a spy for the “Colonists”.Today is a day many will appreciate as a 3rd day of a 3 day week end. Barbeque sales will be at their peak today. Many pre-schoolers will associate the term “Independent Day” with ID4. The Will Smith movie where we defend our planet from Aleins. In a sad way, it seems that Hollywood wants to overlook the essence of the real “Independence Day” and replace it with a “New World Order”  day.

Today please remember; “Freedom is not free”. A price was paid for our autonomy. The willingness to FIGHT for our freedom was the cost of freedom. Those who risked their lifes and those who sacificed their lifes; paid the price of freedom.

If you can put down your bottle rockets, or your barbequed chicken wing long enough to reflect back on the Love and sacrifice that was shown for Liberty, you will indeed be glorifying the true meaning of Independence Day.

Duane Merrells walks with an upside down flag in a protest Monday, Aug. 18, 2014, for Michael Brown, who was killed by a police officer Aug. 9 in Ferguson, Mo. Brown's shooting has sparked more than a week of protests, riots and looting in the St. Louis suburb. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

update July 4th 2016
We are currently in 1776 again.  Only this time King George is King Obama.  Obama and his minions have tried to dismantle the United States without it looking like a full government takeover.  Example?  When ISIS Terrorists where killing our allies in places like Belgium and France.  Obama was laughing, drinking a cold one while watching a baseball game in CUBA.  Yes COMMUNIST CUBA,  WITH THE CASTROS.  My only complaint is that he wasn’t detained.  I wonder if America would have tried to get him back?  Or at least put as much effort into getting him back like he did our Marines being held by Mexico (for making a wrong turn).  While we can’t send illegals back fast enough.  We are being invaded from the south  as are our European counterparts.
On this Independence Day live each day as it could be your last day of Freedom.  Yes I know Alex Jones could argue that we are not Free and I he wouldn’t get Much of an argument from me.  I served my country in 1973 and heard the bullet fly by my head.   I’ll repeat.  Freedom is not Free.  The Terrorists of Orlando and San Bernardino could be coming to your town next.
On this Independence Day live each day as it could be your last day of Freedom
A lot of college students and Star War fans will have to grow up quickly should we be “Occupied” by China or Russia with the backing of Radical Islam.  Living will be prioritized properly behind defeating our enemy.  What wins wars is believing in the reason you’re fighting.  I want my children to have a better life than I had.  They’ve survived 7.5 years of Obama.  Obama was a high level infil-traitor.  Yes I spelled it that way on purpose.  It’s Hillary Clinton’s mission to try and finish off America.  She will try to weaken America defensively as she so successfully did in Benghazi.  It’s our mission as Americans to resist.