Birth Divorce Dignity & Death


From the first breath we take, to the last beat of our heart; everything we buy, build, receive as a gift or do is simply to occupy our time.  To quote the great Dr. Allen Owyang: “You don’t think you’re going to make it out of this alive do you”?

So that collection you started on 30 years ago (Whatever it may be) will go to someone who will keep it only because they knew it meant something to you, but as soon as “hard times” hit (and you can bet they will) the love bond between your collection and your survivor will end up on EBAY.

I honestly believe in being the best at everything I do.  Not for the sake of impressing others or because you want to assemble an empire, but because you need to be the best version of yourself you can be.  A half assed job is indicative of a half assed person.

Remember, you came into this life with no possessions and you’ll leave it the same way.

I figured out early in life that happiness comes from within and if you can’t be happy poor, you’ll never be happy rich.  You also don’t need a reason to be happy or unhappy.  Dr. Laura once said (and I hate to quote her) that: “If you are bored, it’s because you are a boring person”.  We are what we choose to be.  We can become what we want to be.

I learned a valuable verse in the midst of one of my greatest low points in life.  The Apostle Paul wrote: “I’ve learned to live with abundance and I’ve learned to survive with very little.  (I’m paraphrasing).  I had just gone through the divorce from hell.  I would eventually become a single fulltime father.  There were times when I had next to nothing left of my paycheck.  But eventually, I kept what faith I had in God and tried my best not to play the pity party.  In time, I got back on my feet and things got back to normal.

One thing they can’t take from you, even if you have to sleep on the sidewalk, is your dignity.  So in the darkest hour, keep your head up and never give up.

To those of you who are going through that awful post-divorce period, let me share a million dollars’ worth of free advice.  Do not date until you’ve been alone for 2 months for every year you were in the relationship.  If you were married for 10 years, wait 20 months before you go out and ruin someone else’s life.  Use the time to read self-help books.  Take time to HEAL your emotional wounds.  Take the time to become the person you want to meet. (That was always one of my favorite mantras when I was single) You have to become the person you want to attract.  Because as you may have learned from the Secret or law of attraction, likeness attracts likeness.  If you have two tuning forks that are tuned to 512 Hz (Middle C) and you strike one, the other fork will pick up the vibration and start singing with no physical contact.  They are the same wave length.  The same works for potential partners.  If you’re a self-medicating basket case, guess what’s coming your way?  A self-medicating basket case! So do things that will make you a better person or you’re bound to repeat your past.

And DON’T date anyone who’s not waited the 2 months times X years formula.  You’ll only deceive yourself and the relationship will be short lived.  I passed on many a wonderful recently separated partners only because I knew it would never work.  They can’t understand it and it’s almost cruel but you are doing them a favor.  They will see it as rejection and that will hurt, but trust me, it’s better that you pass on a delicious meal that is not fully cooked, than to gobble it down and end up with food poisoning later that night.  Only in this case, another divorce.

I hope that made sense.

My point is, Pretty girls and hot guys end up getting old, often over weight and wrinkled.  Character however; will always be there.   Your Mickey Mantle autographed Baseball that you cherished will go to someone that doesn’t even know who the Mick was.  Your house will be the big prize.  Are your off-spring circling your house like vultures waiting for you to die?  I wonder who will be playing my Les Paul Custom, or my patent pending Wolfgang. (An extremely rare guitar).  The only thing that will survive me, (hopefully) are my songs and perhaps my cover versions.  On the other hand; should I live to witness an apocalyptical explosion that would take all of our electronic devices with it, perhaps all of my CDs or Downloads will be demolished by the blast.

In short: “You’re going to die. So don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff”.

Just enjoy what you’ve been blessed with.  Take care of everything you’ve been given.  (Consider it all a rental because you will not be able to take it with you) And last but most importantly, in everything you do, try and do your best as it will bring you one step closer to the best version of yourself.

Keeping an Open Mind


I believe in keeping an open mind, yet not so open that I trip over my brain.  I’ve been studying PD (Personal Development) since 1994 When Robert Wright came out with the book called “Man – The Moral Animal”.  Of course this coincided with The 7 habits of highly effective people.  I turned to PD out of necessity.

I’m not sure if keeping an open mind is the same as Thomas Jefferson’s quote: “Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, He must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear”.  The term “Open” minded gives one the impression that you are leaving the door to your mental model open to invite everything into your mind.  To me that’s Psychic Russian Roulette. Science, Wisdom and Experience determine how wide we keep the door to our mind open.

I believe in listening to every one empathically to see what resonates with me and what is bull shit masquerading as wisdom. (Note* Keyword is empathic) A non-moderated open mind can lead to self-destruction.  Just ask Steve Pavlina how Polyamory worked out for him.

I once read in a business marketing book: “Complacency is death”.  We do not live in a static world so if you’re not reaching for the next wrung on the ladder, you’re slipping down the ladder.  The same attitude exists in all 4 aspects of your life.  (Wisdom, Health, Spiritual Growth and creating a legacy) If you neglect one, it effects the others.

Keeping an open mind is a must.  Keeping your principles in alignment is even more important.  There are laws that exist that you can not overcome even with an open mind.  Gravity can work for you and make your life easier, or it can kill you.  Jumping out of a plane can be a rush, or suicide.

My open mind has a lobby and a bouncer.  It takes a deep examination for a principle to make it into the “back office”.  But it works both ways, if new data convinces me that my back office has flawed principles or concepts, it gets escorted out of the Back office and is replaced by the “upgrade” or, the proper version for my model. (Metric vs. Standard)? One may fit both bolts; but strip the threads while going un-noticed. One of the best signs of complacency are your emotional indicators.  You’re either ascending or descending.  You’re either feeling good, or feeling as something is wrong.  But remember, emotions are only indicators.

Never act on emotions, but the logic that comes from examining the emotion.  Did you discover a new insecurity, or are you working with flawed principles?  Emotions are your mental motion detectors.  This doesn’t mean you start shooting at everything in your front yard.  But you need to face the cause of your emotional shift.  There is a reason for it and keeping an open mind means being able to understand you may be working with a flawed paradigm.  Ignoring your emotional shift means living in denial.  (Often allowing the bad guy entrance into your house, or even worse; your head)

Emotion lost to the Ocean


Emotion is what happens when your brain gives way to enzymes and hormones.  Logic is what occurs when your brain is allowed (or trained) to think three dimensionally.

This is a sad story that is only the beginning of an even sadder story which you can read about on line.  I will not get involved in the he said/She said accusations when greedy children and siblings fight over the estate of the dead.  That being said, let the story begin.

Garth Christine

Garth Benton and Christine Rosamond

In the summer of 1993 my now ex-wife and I were “summering” in Carmel California.  (A town I would later and will always call home) But after having a posh taste of “scones and tea” we stepped inside a gallery owned by the world famous artist “Rosamond”.  The artist was not there at the time however her husband; Garth Benton was.   Garth (Pictured above) entertained us for over an hour as we talked about one of our unusual pets.  We owned a well trained iguana.

Little would either of us know that Garth would buy an iguana as a pet for their youngest child.  I would later find out that Rosamond would refer to this pet as the “Damn Iguana”.

On a later trip to Carmel by myself, I would purchase a piece by Rosamond for my soon to be ex.  When I went in to pick up the piece a few weeks later, Christine (whom she introduced herself to me as) greeted me with: “Oh so you’re the one with the Damn Iguana”.  After verbally abusing me for putting the idea in Garth’s head, we had a great discussion that seemed like it lasted two hours.  As an informal gesture of friendship, Christine personalized the back of the piece to the “Iguana Lady” and wrote some very nice well wishes.

Fast Forward about 5 months. The Ex and I got an Invitation to attend the new Gallery opening of Rosamond in Carmel.  Nobody was more excited than the ex as she had never met Christine.  And to be honest, I think Christine was looking forward to meeting the Iguana Lady.  So I rented a nice car for the drive to Carmel from the San Francisco Bay Area.  Hours before we were to leave to attend the party, the ex took the car to the store to buy something.  Upon returning, she misplaced the keys.  We looked everywhere and till this day they have not been found.  But because we both turned the house upside down looking for these keys, the Ex showed her immature emotional side and said: “I don’t want to go.  The moment is ruined”.  That is an exact quote. So we did not go.

3 weeks later Christine Rosamond died off the coast of Big Sur in the waters of the Pacific Ocean.  Apparently she was a victim of a rogue, freak 9th wave.   The Ex’s chances of ever meeting this great artist vanished with the 9th wave.

Not only was the moment ruined, but a chance to meet a wonderfully talented person forever was ruined due to an immature emotional tantrum to something as insignificant as losing a set of car keys. Please enjoy a few of “Rosamond’s” creations:

Rosamond famous lady-in-blue  blue-ice

storyteller  storyteller_ii_lrg   storyteller_iii

My Favorite: “Story Teller”                               Story Teller II                                  Story Teller III


This is how I will remember Christine Rosamond.

Please note that all of the images in this blog entry can be purchased at The Rosamond Publishing Company