SEX, MATH and GETTING OLD

Michael Douglas And Catherine Zeta-Jones Split

HALF PLUS 7

Or in Michael Douglas’ situation, half plus zero. Douglas is now 70 and Jones is 45

(Half plus 10)

 

A/2 + 7 = Your mistress

 Your Age, divided by 2 (or half your age), plus seven years added is what the formula is describing.  What the hell am I talking about?

I was in the presence of 4 millionaires in their 50s.  Women enjoy talking about being Cougars, but long before the wild feline concept ever came about A/2 + 7 was around.

This is the formula that makes sense at the age of 14.  As 14/2 = 7 + 7 = 14.  So a 14 year old meets a 14 year old.  Half of 14 equals 7.  Add 7 to that and you have 14.

Once you are in the winter years of life and you fear death and resent getting old, the Idea of a mistress pops into what was once a successful entrepreneur.  So rich old men seem to have come up with a formula that is actually a standard in the millionaire community.  (I wouldn’t have known had I not been an outsider listening in)  But those who are of means feel that you should aim for someone half your age and add 7 years to that number.

Example: a 60 year old is looking to have an affair.  He sees a woman who is in her mid-thirties.  60 is a nice round number.  Half of 60 is 30 and by adding 7 you get thirty seven (37).  Now for every year under 37, you consider that a victory bonus.

When I got divorced, I was 40.  The first younger mate I came into contact with was 29.  She was 2 years over the half plus 7 rule and the millionaires scoffed at me.  I got a few conciliatory “Nice Try” remarks from a few, but basically, I was out of their league.  Especially since I was the only one making under 6 digits.

During my single years, I used my charm and striking good looks (Just kidding) to actually attract one of the gold diggers my millionaire friends were coveting.  Let me just say that if you try this, be prepared to watch your life endure misery.  What my elder yet wealthy friends failed to recognize is that another principle that goes with this equation is that the half plus 7 girl toy will have a younger boy toy with more stamina and physical attributes. (versus fiscal attributes).

I guess what goes around, comes around.  I ended up remarrying a woman 2 years younger than myself.  I couldn’t dream of a serious relationship with a woman half my age plus seven years (Unless I was 14 – 20).

They say generational trends (Or “Nostalgia”) works in 20 year cycles.  Since most men start feeling old at 40, the half plus 7 formula doesn’t work when she’s 27 and I’m 40.  Now 36 works.  That would be a 40 year old minus 10%.   But I wouldn’t go much more than 10%.  In fact, the further you pass 40, the smaller I would make the percentage. At the age of 60, that would be 54.  (60 minus 6). Using half plus 7 she would be 37.  That would be a 23 year difference.  You would be in a “Nostalgic” state of mind.

“She wouldn’t remember Areatha Franklin”

And to quote one millionaire who heard I was dating a 29 year old at the age of 40; he said: “What are you two going to do?  Have dinner at Chucky Cheese then go see Bambi”? …………… Obviously pure jealousy.

I think the only reason a woman would wait for a blue pill to take effect would be if she expected to inherit a gold mine. (Or she was truly in love) On the other hand, I don’t think a man would put up with menopause unless he was truly in love with the person going through it.

(*NOTE: I’ve never needed a blue or any other colored pill)

If you’re married to the same person you’ve been married to for 40 years, good for you, stay married.  If you find yourself single again; once you hit 40, stay within 10% of your own age.  At least you can understand each other while text messaging.

IF YOU ARE STILL MARRIED AND ARE CONSIDERING A/2 +7 let me give you one last equation.

 (A + R)/2 – (AF+A1) = Your net total worth.

Assets plus Retirement divided by 2 goes to current spouse. Then subtract Attorney fees and Alimony.  Then ask yourself, is it worth it.  Some say “Yes” you can’t take it with you.  But you risk your new half plus 7 partner doing the same thing unless you get a prenuptial agreement and good luck on that.

 

FAT ASS FRIDAY VOL. 2 ~ CARBS

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CARBOHYDRATES

 

What are Carbs?  In short, it’s what most people call starches.  For the sake of simplicity, we’ll just say, Rice, Potatoes and yummy Pasta.  It’s also bread, chips most products made from grain.  Unfortunately, it’s also sugar and the stuff in BEER.

Carbs have gotten a bad reputation thanks to the Atkins diet and Dr. Atkins has a point, but the Carbs alone are not necessarily bad.  Runners like to “Carbo-load” before a race.  Carbs give you energy. Sugar is a probably the most commonly used carbohydrate.(and it comes in various types). But if you’ve ever had the 3:00PM blues and you’re really tired, if you grab a candy bar like a Snickers or a Baby Ruth, you’ll be humming for about 10 minutes until you go into insulin withdrawal.

This is where Carbs get ugly.  Personally, when I need energy or motivation, I grab a Neapolitan Icecream sandwich.  Now, these IceCream Sandwiches are not what they were 30 years ago.  They’ve gone up in price and down in substance.  It’s like a bag of chips.  The bag is the same size, but it’s got more air in the bag than chips.  But if the Carbs can motivate you, creativity might keep you going until you can finish off the day.

So much for the good aspect of Carbs.

Ah………I just had an Ice Cream Sandwich.  Hey it’s 3:00PM.  So now let’s have a quick discussion about the negative aspect of Carbs.  Have you ever noticed that really obese people MUST have bread with their meals?  Whether it be rolls or a loaf of French bread, obese people are addicted to the extra carbs.

This is the issue plain and simple.  Just as your body needs insulin to distribute (almost escort) sugar to your muscles and soft tissue, Carbs act like spackle and attach themselves to fat cells.  This is why Dr. Atkins says, the big mac is ok as long as you don’t eat the bun.  You see; the fat (theoretically) cannot attach its’ self to your body if it doesn’t have the Carbs.  THE FAT CANNOT ATTACH ITS’ SELF TO YOUR BODY IF IT DOES NOT HAVE CARBS TO ESCORT IT.

Using this logic; can you now understand why some of the worst foods are carbs that are deep fried?  Yes, even Donuts.

The problem with Dr. Atkin’s diet is attrition.  The key to any diet is consistency which is the opposite of attrition. I love white bread.  I eat 2 slices a day.  My ex-wife would only buy wheat bread for 17 years and I missed white bread almost as much as I don’t miss my ex-wife.  I eat one slice of white (Wonder Bread if I can find it) and two table spoons of natural crunchy “Laura Scudder’s” peanut butter with a squirt (teaspoon) of Welch’s grape jelly on the side.  It’s about a 170 calories but the peanut butter is monosaturated fat so it is actually good for me and rids me of hunger.  Then, like the slim fast diet, I have a reasonable dinner.  So it’s one meal a day and two PBJs.  If I get hungry during the day, I have a handful of unsalted roasted peanuts.

And since I’m not going to spend time on salt, just let me say it’s not the evil that it has been made out to be.  Salt will make it harder for you to lose weight because it makes you retain your liquids.

So the key to reducing your fat ass is to monitor your SATURATED fat intake.  Is it mono or poly saturated?  That’s what the bottom line is.  If you’re going to have “Meat Loaf” and Mashed potatoes for dinner, just make sure that you buy low fat ground meat.  I use ground sirloin.  Granted the taste comes from the fat, but you’ll get used to it.

Substitute Olive oil for cooking oil.  It’s much pricier, but it’s probably the second healthiest thing you can do to fortify your weight loss attempts.  Remember, attrition can kill your feeding habits as bad as binging.

OVERVIEW

 

When it comes to my view on carbs, I find rice the hardest to refrain from.  Chinese food without rice is like Spaghetti without pasta.  Only, Chinese food is hard to consume without saturated fats.  As for potatoes, I’ve given up the ever so enjoyable French fry.  The best way to do this is to give up fast foods.  Do you know how McDonalds’ got its’ reputation for having the best French fries in the fast food industry?  They were using beef tallow to fry their fries in.  Beef tallow can give you chest pains just thinking about it.  Scientist discovered quite easily that a small order of McDonalds’ fries had more saturated fat in it than a Big Mac.  One of the few regulations the government did that I have to agree with was forcing Mickey Dees to quit frying their slivers of potatoes in pure emulsified FAT.  But they tasted great.  It’s no wonder the boomers that grew up on fast food are having heart issues.

If you eat carbs, make sure you don’t eat the fats that go with it.  The old saying that carbs turn to fat is a wives tale.  It takes forever for carbs to turn to fat.  On the other hand, carbs mixed with fat is like adding a fuse to dynamite.  That’s the best description I can give you.  A fuse won’t kill nor will a stick of dynamite without the lit fuse.  But put the two together and you can kiss your 32 inch waste goodbye in a very quick amount of time. (Depending on how mobile you are during the day).  So go ahead and eat your bread, it won’t kill you.  Eat your Brat, it won’t kill you.  But put the brat in a bun and you’ve just stuck the fuse to the dynamite.

 

 

 

NEVER RUN FROM…

 rearview mirror carjacking

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

RUN TO!

This is a principle that I think even the late great Dr.Stephen Covey would agree is “Universal”.  Whatever the situation is; never RUN FROM your current status just to get away; rather, RUN TO a specific place that you would rather to be at.

This principle applies to nearly everything you do.  If you see a traffic jam ahead, you should not make the first turn you see to avoid the gridlock.  Think about an alternate route you may be able to access that will get you to your destination safely.  My point is don’t respond with a knee jerk response.  Sure, sometimes unplanned evasive maneuvers are necessary to avoid obvious injury but in most cases, you should always be aware of your surroundings and have an immediate plan B.

Did you know that soldiers that plant land mines do so anticipating what the natural response is going to be?  If a bouncing Betty is in the ground at point A, when it discharges, the natural response for the squad will be to take cover in a ditch.  This is where mine #2 is usually planted.  Did you know that in America, most Americans enter buildings using the right door? My point is, the bad guys understand behavior predictability.   We want to avoid danger, but we want to do so with our brain and not our nervous system.

Changing Jobs.

Often, people get into places of employment they can’t tolerate because it was a better place to be than “homeless”.  Even in this example, you ran to a poor choice of employment. (This is assuming they wouldn’t hire you at Microsoft).  So you say to yourself: “At least it’s a paycheck”.  Soon you find that selling rectal thermometers to medical offices is a real pain in the butt. (No pun intended) Your subconscious mind is telling you: “We gotta get out of this place” (If it’s the last thing we ever do).  Using the “Run From” mentality, we often find ourselves leaping from the frying pan into the deep fat fryer.  Here is where the proactive/completion backwards principle comes into play.

You tolerate selling rectal thermometers and do the best job you can.  Even if you are flipping burgers, do the best you can and do not show resentment.  Yet keep your eye on that job at Microsoft or Apple while you’re doing your best at your dead end job.  Doing your best at whatever you do is a good habit to develop.  It speaks more about you than your resume could ever expose.  It also teaches you to appreciate all that you have been blessed with. (A secret to life).  Future employers are quick to pick up on people that have good solid character.

stalked

Escaping Danger

Let me repeat, you always need to be aware of your surroundings.  Whether it be walking from your penthouse to the parking lot, or walking from Fisherman’s wharf to the S.F. police station because your car got towed.  Always be aware of your surroundings.  Even in your car, check that car out in your rear view mirror.  Are they following you home? Many home invasions happen when you are seen at an outdoor ATM.  You’re followed home and not only are you robbed of your withdrawal, but if you look like Angelina Jolie, you can kiss goodbye your jewelry, big screen TV and your virginity.  If you’re lucky, you’ll come out of it alive.

If you suspect you’re being followed, don’t race home. (Running From)  Heaven knows you don’t want to lead the bad guys to your nest.  I would instruct you to make a series of 4 right turns. Again, make sure you know where the turns lead to.  If you see them shadowing you, don’t “RUN FROM” THEM.  “RUN TO” The Police department.  Are you starting to understand the principle?  And should you be in the worst case scenario after the 4 right turns and you’re at a red light or behind traffic, keep them in your rear view mirror and if you see them exiting their vehicle, (being aware of your surroundings) leave room between you and the car in front of you and once they exit the vehicle and come towards you,(usually after a slight rear end collision) make your escape maneuver by passing the cars in front of you, or running the red light.  If you have to, drive up on the side walk while wailing on your car’s horn.

The Bad Relationship

This is a situation that you should always try to avoid.  This situation is often a result of RUNNING FROM LONELINESS and RUNNING TO the UNKNOWN for the sake of companionship or worse: “Low Self-esteem”.  You should never be dependent on someone else.  (This includes the government).  You should go into a relationship standing on your own two feet so you can leave on your own two feet.  It’s like leaving maneuverable space between your car and the car in front of you.  Never the less, human emotions often get us into the social position of selling rectal thermometers. But what’s worse than a miserable job is being abused physically and perhaps mentally by a person you thought loved you.  In this case, as before, that voice is singing the old “Animals” song: “We gotta get outta this place”.  And I would imply that it is a good Idea to have a plan B for the unexpected.  Just like making 4 right turns and leaving space in front of your vehicle, know where you can RUN TO should you need to get away from a bad situation.  Consider your parents’ house if you have them.  Or if you must; consider a shelter for the abused.  But don’t do it because you are running from him or her.  Do it because you are RUNNING TO a safer and more preferable life.  We are spirits in human bodies and we make mistakes.  I truly do believe the only bad mistakes are the ones you do not learn from or “survive”.

In closing I wanted to leave you with this image. In the movies and television, we’ve often seen the scene where the victims are being chased by the bad guys in a 1963 light blue Impala.  The victim or victims are always running straight down the middle of the street or parking lot.  As viewers, we ask ourselves or the person we’re sitting with: “Why don’t they just dash in between that row of cars or jump over that fence?  They always try to outrun that Chevy 350 V8 engine with 400 plus braking horse power.  This is because they are focused on RUNNING FROM the BAD GUYS and not RUNNING TO a SAFE PLACE.

Whether it’s in your car, your workplace, a conflict or your bedroom, always be aware of your surroundings and its’ proximity to your destination.  It’s rarely a bad idea to constantly have a plan “B”.

 

SALVAGE YOUR PAST

Salvage

How to Salvage your past:

Again, let me quote the late Frank Zappa: “You are what you is”.  Now let me add, hopefully not what you were.  With every new second or breath we should become a better person.  By this I don’t mean necessarily richer or physically superior; rather smarter, more compassionate and understanding.  (And all of the other good qualities that would make you a yen/yang balanced human).

Did you know that people that graduated Phi Beta Kappa have some of the same problems as people that were hungry and neglected growing up?  It’s true.  Sometimes, having your parents lay out your future for you is almost as bad as being raised by wolves.  Your past is a memory.  In fact, by the time your mind processes these words your reading, they will be a memory.  Yet when you look back on your past, think about what has STUCK in your mind.  Was it a horrific abusive ass kicking you got from a supposed loved one?  Or even worse, was it a time of joy and harmony that got ripped from you like someone tearing your heart out?

Whatever the case may be, take some time and go back over the worst aspects of your former life, (because that’s what it is. The person you used to be) and “glean” the good that came from it.  There do not exist any amnesia pills that will make you forget the troublesome aspects of your life.  But once you realize that the past is just a memory, it can’t harm you anymore like it did the first time you fell off off your bicycle.

Depending on your Age, go over your

Developmental years: The time you were dependent on your parents

The Years of finding your footing: When you got your first job and apartment.

The Constructive years:  The years you started contributing to society.

The years of winter: After the divorce, after the nest became empty, and when contemplating or living in retirement.
You can find plenty of great tools and skills/experiences you can hold on to from each of these 4 seasons.  During the developmental years, you can see how what you thought was important then is meaningless now.  You may have feared the death of your parents now you realize that your time is next in the queue and that life for your survivors will go on until it’s their turn.  You can appreciate how important learning is, whether it be your ABCs or the Pythagorean therom.  Learning is valuable.

In your years of standing, you learn how to set achievable goals.  You think about the 5% you retained from College.  You work your way up the ladder of success. (Sometimes finding it against the wrong wall)

In your constructive years, you start to wonder if you’re doing what you are doing for the money or for the contribution to mankind.  You may have done things in your “Job” that help you now such as good communication skills, or Professionalilsm.

Winter: You covet that which is truly important in your life.  It’s something a special few learn from having really wonderful parents who are at that stage of life.  For some reason, I can’t see Ann and Mitt Romney saying: “You better decide quickly because when you turn 18, you’re out of this house”.   And perhaps more than anything, you become more proactive and try to predict unintended consequences. As the result of not staying a step ahead often means falling 3 steps behind.

It’s like going through boxes in the garage and finding that old jacket that still fits.  Or finding a wedding gift that you never appreciated at the time but now you take joy in using it when guests come over.  You don’t always have to remember the fights or bad decisions.  You’re a new person everyday.  Be the best version of yourself you can be.

THE STORY OF ANDREW BREITBART

Andrew

Happy Birthday Andrew, God rest your soul.

A year later and Edward Snowden is still on the lamb.

In 2012 The name Breitbart became a verb.  Just as the term suicide is used as a façade for murder (As in: “They’ll suicide me”) Andrew Breitbart is dead and before his body was even cold, the mid-stream media released a press report saying Breitbart died of natural causes.  So when someone politically active dies, one can use the name Breitbart as a verb as in: “He got Breitbarted”. (Meaning he was snuffed out mysteriously and the cover up was in motion before Andrew’s heart stopped).

Andrew Breitbart’s death was a message to those who knew too much.  You can be “Neutralized” and it will look like natural causes.

Edward Snowden was an employee of the NSA with a high security level rating.  He allegedly downloaded the NSA Database and has been exposing the NSA for spying on us, the American Public.  Part of the country sees him as a traitor and politicians especially want to see Snowden hang for treason.  Some of America as well as the rest of our allies see Snowden as a hero who outed the practices of the Obama Administration. German Chancellor Angela Merkel was informed that her cell phone calls had been tapped.  Senator Rand Paul is filing charges against the Obama administration for violations of the 4th amendment. (Right to privacy and due process)

I believe, (Looking at it from Snowden’s POV) he had no choice but to do what he did when you consider the ability of the NSA’s ability to track down hackers, let alone a breach of security within the NSA.  Should he have done it?  I can’t answer that.  I would like to know what was on the memory sticks he gave to China and Russia.  If he thought he was acting in the best interest of our country I don’t think he had many plausible options.  I’ve heard politicians that were shocked! Shocked I tell you to find out the NSA was spying on its’ citizens, then have the nerve to say he should have testified before congress.  Perhaps Mr. Snowden has a memory stick that explains how

Andrew Breitbart really died and Snowden understands how short his life expectancy would be if he would have gone to congress.  Andrew simply said he had info on Obama.  His exact words at the C-Pac convention was:”We have information and this time you will be vetted Mr.Obama”.

What Can Snowden Do?

Stirb langsam

Hans Grüber once said while stealing 700 million dollars in Bara bonds  if you steal 100 dollars nobody will look for you.  When you steal 700 Million dollars they will find you unless they think your dead.

As far as silly claims of “Clemency”; to quote Tony Soprano: “Forget about it” Snowden will be “Breitbarted” before he has a chance to raise his right hand.  He will have died from bad caviar from Russia.  For all intents and purposes, Snowden is a dead man if he makes any public appearances.  He needs to go into a German witness protection program or perhaps Lichtenstein then somehow disappear in Switzerland.   Edward Snowden is no Mark Felt. AKA Deep Throat. (The anonymous confidential informer on “Watergate”)

Deep

In fact with today’s technology; Felt would have been hunted down in hours and “Neutralized”. (Or Breitbarted). Welcome to Chicago politics. If Edward Snowden is smart, He will stop making videos unless they are to head fake his former NSA comrades. Shave his head or put on a Phil Robertson beard.  It should be Glenn Greenwald’s mission statement now, to take down the Obama administration.

 

Andrew. Rest in peace and Happy Birthday.