Self-Esteem by definition is: “a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect”. The key word in this definition is the term “realistic”.  Is this based on a subjective impression or does it require outside objectivity?

Let me say at this time that self-respect shows in the way that you present yourself.  You cannot be helpful to others if you have no respect for your own appearance. I’m not talking about the shape of your nose or the hair on your scalp.  I’m talking about hygiene.  I’m talking about cleanliness.  I’m also talking about watching over indulgence.  Your weight is indicative of your concern for your overall health.  We know that if you try to lose weight to appear attractive to others, you will likely fail.  If, however, you lose weight to be healthy, you are more likely to be successful.  Strive to be as healthy as you can be.

I have the key to your self-esteem and so do you. (Although you might not know it). You cannot improve your self-esteem by actions you take to impress other people.  Self-esteem does not come from others being envious of you.  It has nothing to do with what you wear, what you drive, where you live, or how you look.  In the end, your self-esteem is about what you do to help others.  I can throw a hundred tired clichés at you such as: “It’s better to give than to receive”.   But until you start to change your life for the good of others, you will struggle with your self-esteem.  It’s called “Self” esteem for a reason.  It’s not called “Others” esteem.  When you do a good deed, do it for the pleasure it brings the other person.  Do not do it because it makes you look good like political “Photo op”.  Do it because it makes you feel good.  That feeling is better than the looks you get from wearing a 12,000 dollar suit in a 200,000 dollar sports car.

This explains why the deity point of view about life is to be humble and to be a servant.  What has Miley Cyrus done for you lately?  Yet the books of the late Stephen Covey are timeless and still life changing.  If you can begin to see others as targets for pleasing, it doesn’t matter if you are successful as many refuse to be happy.  When all is said and done though, you tried.  Nothing can degrade a paradigm of self-esteem based on the desire to make others happy.  The feeling you get from the smile on another person’s face from helping them or complimenting them is priceless.

Once you attain that level of thinking it doesn’t matter if you are the King of the forest or a destitute pauper. You’ve entered the realm of the divine.  One of the most meaningful verses in the Bible, to me, is a pragmatic one even though it doesn’t sound like one.  It’s in the book of James, chapter 4 and verse 6: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”.  That is not simply a biblical platitude.  It gives one insight into true happiness and, yes, Self-Esteem.  The one speech President Kennedy is best remembered for is when he pleaded with his fellow countrymen to: “Ask not what your country can do for you; but what you can do for your country”.  It may sound like political rhetoric, but it’s truly a late 20^th century version of James 4:6.

It’s easy to brag about the things that you’ve done in life.  Your words of accomplishments may or may not impress the listener but it’s much more rewarding to say nice things to others that make them feel better.  It needs to sound genuine and not just an insincere load of smoke up their ass.

 Try it and see if it changes your life!