Big Tits and other Lies

DT DT1

I’ve never been infatuated with women sporting large breasts. A simple B cup is fine for my taste. But ladies; don’t tell your plastic Surgeon that. To a successful cosmetic surgeon, a woman ain’t a woman unless her implants enter the room before she does. How did this lie get started?

It’s a hypothesis that I’ve been pondering since my early 20s. I think I’ve figured it out. Part of it has to do with Freud. It’s a childhood paradigm. A majority of men are breast fed the first 6 months of their life. As women became the majority in the work place, the paradigm shifted. A male that would have been “breast” fed, is now bottle fed. (Do you think there’s a connection between bottle fed babies and alcoholics)? It’s just a thought!

Coming from a “Stanford” Medical background; I can say this with certainty: “Breast size is largely determined by FAT CELLS”. It’s a rare genetic anomaly when you find a thin female with large breasts. You’re most likely to find such a specimen in a general surgeon’s office waiting for her consult for a breast reduction mammoplasty. A small/thin woman with double D’s will suffer from lumbar muscle pain. In layman’s terms, she’s top heavy.

I cringe when I see my favorite Hollywood starlets like Meg Ryan go from the beautiful girl next door, to the scarred bee stung lips with breast that look like the headlights on a 48 Tucker Sedan.

Meg  Meg BA

As I mentioned earlier, breasts are mainly fat cells. Physiologically, they were designed to accommodate mammary glands to feed little Billy. If you were the High school quarterback you probably dated the cheerleader with the big breasts. When you came back from the Army, more than likely, the rest of you cheerleader’s fat cells started manifesting in the forms of love handles, saddlebags and in the 21st century, a beer gut.

I use to date girls on the swim team. Girls with “Tom Boy” bodies Sure they’re going to have a AA bra size (That’s the smallest for my male readers) but they never had to worry about being on a constant diet. Check out the 48 year old Dara Torres.

 DT Olympics   Dara-Torres-490x735_1

 And the ultimate question that mankind has been asking since 1967: “Mary Anne” or “Ginger”? You decide.

 Dawn Wells 74 Tina Louise

(Left Dawn Wells as “Mary Anne” on Gilligan’s Island. Right is Tina Louis or “Ginger”)

dawn-wells Tina-Louise

                                   Mary Ann at the age of 74        Ginger at the age of 81 (7 years older)

 There’s an old Blues song written by the late Johnny Winter called “Check out da momma”. (Cuz if her momma ain’t fine you betta take yo time; she gonna look just like her momma on down da line).  You can keep the Double Dees.  I’ll take the fit looking double AA’s anytimeGuys, get over your infantile breast feeding programming.  Large breasts are large fat cells and they usually don’t limit their local to the upper torso.  Ladies, be what you are. There’s a guy out their who will appreciate your small breasts.

 

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