ONCE THE SEEDS OF DESTRUCTION HAVE GERMINATED

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THE RELATIONSHIP – AFTER THE PARTY IS OVER 

When did you know you didn’t love me”? She said: “I don’t know if I’ve ever loved you”.

                                                      ~ Billy Crystal as Harry in “When Harry met Sally”

He does all the things that you would never do. He loves me to, his love is true. Why can’t he be you?

                         ~ Patsy Cline

“My wife said to me as she kissed me good-bye: “Have a nice day”. That’s what the bank teller says to you. That’s what you say to a customer. Shouldn’t your wife tell you she loves you”?

                                                                                               ~ Jeff Goldblum in “Into the Night”

 “Now I’m praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you” !

                                                                      ~Meatloaf from Paradise by the Dashboard lights.

If the seeds of destruction are planted in the Motive of your marriage, it’s only a matter of time before you are in a relationship void of Eros (lust) Philia (sibling love) and maybe even Agape (a Divine Love). Often this relationship is the result of unintended consequences. Such as:

  • We got pregnant and neither of us believes in abortion.
  • I was not over so and so. ( I’m still not over so and so I thought they would change)
  • Kids will settle him down.
  • Maybe the financial situation will change.
  • I was in love with the feeling of being in love.
  • I’m better off as a single person.
  • I didn’t sew all of my “wild oats”.
  • They don’t make me happy any more.
  • They stopped filling my needs.
  • I wanted to show the world and my ex, that I am desirable.
  • I enjoy having someone to come home to.
  • It was pre-arranged by our parents.
  • I could do worse and I’m not getting any younger
  • I wanted someone to bury me.

Had enough ???

For the myriad of reasons to break up a marriage; I can only think of a few not to.

  1. Divorce is a sin and knowingly doing so would anger God.
  2. The other person needs me and I took a vow. (My word is important to me)

It all boils down to: “How serious do you take marriage”? NO MARRIAGE IS PERFECT. That’s a good thing to keep in mind.  And keep these principles in mind as well.

  • • People change.
  • Couples change.
  • The economy changes
  • Religious beliefs change
  • Physical conditions change.
  • Mental stability changes.
  • Some people cheat.
  • Some people are never satisfied with one sex partner.
  • People don’t like being controlled.
  • People can’t read minds so the ability to communicate verbally is unbelievably important.
  • BONUS PRINCIPLE: FUN DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE

Once you notice the seeds of marital destruction come to fruition and you hear certain “hints” like: “I want a divorce” or “Get out you pig”.  Understand that it could just be that person’s less than eloquent way of saying: “I’m unhappy and something needs to change” or it could really mean: “You’ve got to go”.  If you do not have kids; BONUS.  Be as cordial as you can, LEAVE, then think about what you want to do.

If you do have children, I would urge you to negotiate like Henry Kissinger until you’re just wasting your breath.  Sometimes we need to take one for the team.  Just because you got yourself into a bad marriage doesn’t mean the kids have to be drug through the awful trash of lawyers and asset divisions.  And the sooner you learn that you have as much to do with the break up as your mate, the sooner the name calling and ugliness will cease.  If the marriage has become abusive, by all means do what’s right because watching your parents fight can ruin you as badly as watching them separate.   It’s a Lose/Lose situation.

I said that you were as responsible for the break up as the other person who may be cheating; because you signed the dotted line in the beginning.  You made a poor choice.  More than likely, you didn’t take enough time to know this creature that was great in bed but awful in public.  Take responsibility for it and don’t play the “victim”.

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