Speaking strictly for myself, I would imagine that most Christian men struggle with monogamy. We live in a cultural setting that promotes sexual promiscuity. Television, Rap, and Movies all suggest that the more sex you have,(meaning with more partners) the more impressive your status in society. Men should all strive to be the “big Mack daddy” by today’s standards. (The BMD is the guy in the ghetto that has the most concubines)
Procreative sexual reproduction is as close to “playing god” that man will ever achieve. It is my personal belief that God attached a physical incentive to “orgasm” so man would not need much incentive to populate the earth. To assure woman would not be abused and the offspring would not be abandoned; God set forth the commandments disallowing Fornication and Adultery. He intended man to be serious about sexual procreation. Or at the very least, responsible.
In the 1960s, the sexual revolution put an end to sexual responsibility. Liberal sinners defined sex as a physical action between two consenting adults. It was no longer revered as a manifestation of a spiritual union between a male and female that loved each other.
Back to the attraction of sex. Some have presumed that men are attracted to the breast because of infantile feeding. Many equate the longing of a man for a woman’s vagina, an effort to reacquire the pre-natal warmth and security that they once experienced in the womb. And ultimately, we have the God experience. Whether or not there is a conscious effort to play God, the acquisition of God’s brass ring, the orgasm is still a viable attraction for modern man.
Man also has the hunting chromosome to overcome. We have an inherent desire to hunt and conquer. A woman’s womb is a very sociable target. The more insecure the man is, the longer the hunt continues.
So why do seemingly content married men persist in seeking extramarital relationships even under the most satisfying monogamist circumstances? First you can throw out the obvious, when a hunter/fisher reaches his limit, it’s hard to throw back or release those which he can’t keep.
Man as a rule, hates living a constricted life. Anthropologically, Man wants to “spred the seeds of his DNA”.
Once a partner becomes a mother, some husbands no longer sees them as a sex partner. (See Elvis and Pricilla)
All of the above are common excuses, but the reality of most extramarital issues are a result of simple “male insecurity”. The same principal applies to women as well. There’s another term in the ghetto that goes along with the “BMD” (big Mack daddy) and it’s called the “BBD” or (Bigger Better Deal). When one spouse wants out of a seemingly normal relationship, it often reflects on that person’s insecure image of themself. If the content spouse is in love with the discontent spouse, the discontent spouse is thinking, “why does this person love me”? I’m a loser, so if they love me, they must be a really hard up loser. It’s like the Woody Allen joke: “I’d never want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member”. So they think they’ve sold themselves short and want out. They want to look for bigger better deal.
Insecure materialistic humans tend to see their spouses as objects. So materialism would imply that an “upgrade” would be in order. As is the principal with materialism, there is “always” something out there, more attractive, wealthier, healthier, more exciting etc……..
Materialistic people are governed by the creed “He who dies with the most toys wins”. The truth is; He who dies with the most toys, is DEAD.
Certain people that have lost their parents at a young age, go thru life thinking that as soon as they meet the “right” person, all of their troubles and unfairness in life will be answered and their real life will begin. They soon realize that the search is only a way of keeping the memory of their parents alive.
The only way man (or woman) can overcome the lure of lust, is to focus on the bigger picture. Eventually, you will get old and die. This I can guarantee you. Once you become old and realize that you are indeed invisible to not only teenagers but 40 year olds as well; you’ll begin to focus on things eternal, things that don’t die or fade. Such things include relationships, your legacy, your children, and your hopes of Heaven. People who denied Christ all of their lives often call on Jesus on their death bed. Want a good example? How about Darwin? On his death bed, he didn’t ask for a chimp or a prime-ape; he asked for a priest.
If man’s soul can mature at a younger age and see that lustful urges are biologically wired at birth, the sooner they can come to terms with reality and the afterlife and leave a respectable legacy.