Marriage – The Paradox


I was thinking back on my 1st marriage. I married at the very young age of 23. Like I said in previous posts;my parents both died before I was 21. One of the things you really want (and I quote Kurt Cobaine) is that security of a normal family. Many times Kurt references “Not being this happy since I was 7”.(the age he was when his parents divorced). So I will go on record as saying that I really missed the comfort and security of having undeserved love. But what I didn’t realize was that it takes an adult to give undeserved love.

A close friend of mine told me that when she divorced her first husband, she had no children and it was boyfriend and girlfriend breaking up.

When you marry in your early years (before 30) you are still carrying your sibling thoughts and motives with you. Even worse, if you’re an only child, god help your spouse. I’ve noticed many things that I do now in my mid-life years that I couldn’t dream of doing 30 years ago. I mean I just wasn’t that thoughtful. And my ex-spouse was even less thoughtful. I was a sucker and she knew it. I don’t know at what point it is in a relationship when you start worrying about wanting to make the relationship work. Until you do, most young couples are like sexual siblings running a household with mom and dad gone on vacation. Simple things like wondering “who’s turn it is to clean the cat litter”. At some point of maturity, you just do it and don’t worry about the last time your partner did it.

Young marriages can’t see the big picture. Most aren’t ready to raise children let alone themselves, and think that marriage is a “sexathon”. Well until one or the other gets tired of it. The sex is mostly physical. I know some readers are reading this thinking:”what else is there?” ……….pssst “spiritual”

The concept of marriage and procreation is so ironic. It’s a downright paradox. The younger you are, the more energy you have for pursuing your goals. You also have the ability to work a job while being up all night with a child with a stuffy nose. On the other hand you don’t know crap about raising kids. Hopefully you’ll have well intending parents that can teach you the importance of creating wealth.

The older you are when you marry, the more respectful you become of your spouse. You see this other person as someone that demands respect and not a sibling you can try and get one over on. Raising children takes on a different demeanor as you have more patience and can predict behavioral responses. On the other hand, If you have children much past 45, you’re going to orphan them sooner than had you gotten married at 25. This also is not fair to your children.

It reminds me of an old Mark Twain quote: “Youth is wasted on the young”.

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