ORGASM over 50

ORGASM over 50 not just for fun

 KLB

DISCLAIMER

Before you read this, understand that I am not a doctor and this is not medical advise. If you are experiencing the symptoms of prostate problems or any problems mentioned in this article; please see your doctor. If you are 50 and are NOT having the symptoms mentioned at the end of the article, read and learn.

The Media is doing the male over 50 public a great disservice by talking about pills that keep you from “Having to go” (urinate). But I fought with myself about writing this article because I know what the unintended consequences can be.

When the average male starts to hit his 50s, his “ejaculation” frequency slows down. You’ve heard the T.V. commercials talk about one out of three men over 50 being diagnosed with some form of prostate disease. This includes the lesser problem called BPH or Benign Prostate Hypertrophy or Hyperplasia, to prostate cancer.   Here’s another term you’ve undoubtedly heard: “Use it or lose it”.

BPH

A normal prostate is the size of a walnut. Your bladder is the size of your fist. A prostate that has become enlarged is the size of a good sized lemon. The Physiology or functionality of prostate issues is easy to understand if you realize that a normal prostate is a Walnut size structure that surrounds your Urethra (Pee tube). But not only does it surround your pee tube, it acts like a super charger for your testicles.

Here’s where and why the problem can exist. Your (I’m speaking to males) testicles create and secrete a hormone called testosterone. It forms the reproductive cells known as sperm which are released in seminal fluid. (The stuff wet dreams are made of) They are those little tad poles that race towards the woman’s egg.

The “On-Ramp” for those sperm cells is the prostate gland. But the prostate is not just any organ, it creates an enzyme that mixes with the sperm cells which protects the sperm cells from the acidic fluids in the woman’s vagina (her special place).

Although the testicles tend to be content with the decrease in testosterone output, it manifests its’ self in other male destructive ways like “BALDNESS”. Don’t ask, I can’t explain that one. All I know is the more testosterone you have, the less hair you have.

The prostate, on the other hand, keeps producing its’ enzyme and there is no other use for it. So if you don’t let it do its’ thing from time to time; it will grow into a lemon. Don’t worry your prostate is not going to explode as the excess gets eliminated, but only after stretching that walnut into a lemon. So once your prostate turns into the size of a lemon, it takes up valuable real estate where your bladder is use to expand. This explains why as a young 20 something, you could drink beer all night, then urinate for a half hour in the morning. What can an over 50 guy do to help reduce this issue and not get up several times during the night to go and try to urinate while all that comes out is a weak trickle of urine? Have an Orgasm twice a week. And the more the merrier.

How you do this is up to you. But know that when you do start releasing seminal fluid, it’s not going to shrink your prostate overnight. I call this the “holistic” PREVENTIVE  alternative to a “TURP” or transurethral resectioning of the Prostate. It’s an ugly operation (Although urologist have gotten good at it) but Orgasm can be more fun than letting someone you don’t know take a small loop and burn away pieces of your prostate.  And again; It only helps if you start practicing it before you manifest symptoms.

***** IMPORTANT*****

What I’m referring to is something you should consider BEFORE you have signs of Prostate issues. If you have the classic prostate symptoms which are a weak urine flow. Having to get up during the night to go urinate. (Water pills not withstanding). Having an inconsistent urine flow. (In other words, you’re never really done pissing) It’s important that you SEE A DOCTOR. Testicular and Prostate cancer are nothing to fool around with.  Any hormone producing organ can turn pernicious really fast. So when your body is not acting the way it always has, you need to have it checked out.

Chalking stuff up to old age is not a good diagnosis, especially if you are the one diagnosing yourself. I’m just educating you on this before in hopes that it will help you avoid becoming part of the other 66 percent, or 50% of all men over 50 and 80% of men over 80.

SEX, BIOLOGY and THE BIBLE REVISITED

B1

I’m writing this short article as an introduction to a larger much more important article that I’m working on.. I simply wanted to say this:  When a Man sees that which stimulates him sexually, and you feel yourself being drawn towards that image, perhaps you even become sexually stimulated;  It’s no different from being hungry from being on a protein Juice diet and seeing a Filet Mignon with a baked potato, real sour cream and chives sprinkled above the sour cream.  Then just to tease you, there’s a bone marrow sauce covering a large sautéed mushroom on top of the steak.

Out of no where your stomach starts to rumble, growl and explode.  People; the responses are no different.  It’s what your body does.  Now if you’re like the Red Army in May of 1945 and you see the above Fraulein and violently rape her, yes, that was lust in the beginning.  If you’re doing a double take at this beautiful nameless model, it’s no different from looking at the Mona Lisa or having your stomach growl at the sight of a Rib Eye or Filet Mignon.

So please know that just because your body responds in a certain way when exposed to certain images, it doesn’t mean you’re going to Hell.  It means your body is responding the way God built your body.  But remember, God also gave you a brain and the ability to understand right from wrong.  That “Tree of Knowledge” is where sin comes from.  Realize that natural attraction is not lust.  It’s what your body does.  Attraction with intent to acquire in an unethical way, is.

Survival of the Fittest

 rosie-o-donnell B Cup

Survival of the Fittest

There is little doubt that America has become a nation of undisciplined zombies that cannot live without some form of daily medication.  30 years ago, insulin and water pills with a supplement of Potassium Chloride were the only daily medications needed to stay alive.

Today we have an industry that, I believe has earned the name, “Big Pharma”.  Instead of searching for a cure to eradicate the disease, they see the disease as an opportunity to get man addicted to a pill.  Daily pills equal daily profits.  Patients, although living longer, are being exploited by the companies that enable patients to continue living on fast food and snacks.

 “JUST TAKE A PILL”

I’m sure that some of the daily medications that are driving up the price of medicine are prolonging life, but in a bad way.  If you take an obese person and put them in jail for a year, you will get them off of their statin drug.  You’ll probably get them off of their beta blocker as well.  Simply because they’re no longer at will or free to live a liberal self-destructive lifestyle. 

My point is, we’ve found ways to replace “will power”.  We’ve found ways to allow sick people to live sick lives without dying.  Worst of all, we’ve aloud people to go through life without experiencing feelings.  Many who have not learned to “Cope” with their feeling are put on an “Anti-depressant”.  These drugs put you into a mental jail.  They enable you to walk around without having to actually deal with society in a healthy way.

 IT’S ALL LINKED TOGETHER

Do you have any Idea how many health issues are caused by a “Liberal” lifestyle?  The liberal, (meaning an abundance) paradigm means nobody is going to tell you what to do, say and of course eat.  The paradigm lets you ignore rules or good advice that is meant to help you.  Simple ideas such as moderation is no longer seen as good common sense, but rather an infringement on your civil rights.  Yes you do have a right to eat a whole bag of Cheetos or even a whole quart of Ice Cream.  Many drink a whole six pack of beer on a nightly basis.  Why?  Because nobody can tell them they can’t.  Then they wonder why they’ve gotten fat.  Why do people smoke cigarettes?  Because they can.  Then they act surprised when they are diagnosed with emphysema.  Now in many states, people will be replacing tobacco with marijuana.  Soon they’ll be wondering why they are fat AND stupid.  (Probably REALLY FAT)

What happens when you get fat?  You feel bad about your appearance.  What happens when you look in the mirror and you no longer see the guy that was 140 pounds in high school or the girl that was a cheer leader?   You get depressed. Then……… You do one of two things, and rarely a third one. 

  1. 1.     You self-medicate with either legal or illegal substance.  These medications could range from Krispy Crème donuts to heroin.  But because we live in such an “Animal House” society; Beer is a common self-medication.  This results in making the problem worse.  It creates a cycle of poor self-esteem motivating the  urge to self-medicate.  Either with food, cigarettes or drugs.
  2. 2.     You learn to live with it.  You continue your poor nutritional program which could in its’ self be a form of self-medication.  However that’s not always true.  In today’s society we have very unhealthy food outlets that will sell you a small box of food that is full of artery clogging chemicals as well as weight gaining calories.  It may appear small, but the damage from a “Big Mac” is another nail in your coffin.  Eating normally is not what it was 30 years ago.  We’ve gone from 8” dinner plates to 12” or even 14” dinner plates.  The portions we eat are unnecessarily large.  Many of us were conditioned as children to eat everything on our plate.  Unfortunately, in the 70s, the term: “All you can eat” became a popular marketing strategy.  If you couple this with kids no longer taking physical education, because they would have to get naked and shower. (Which is hypocritical considering what they’re being taught in the class room).  And no sport can be played without the proper safety gear, (helmets, pads etc…) so kids become virtual bio-bots in front of a computer of some sort.  So response #2 is not helpful even though the person feels they are doing the correct thing.
  3. 3.     Change from within.  You decide you’re tired of being fat and tired of taking pills.  This has led to another industry that is just as bad as “Big Pharma”.  It’s the fad diet industry.  What’s hilarious is many of the diets that work simply instruct you to cut down on the size of your meals and get sufficient exercise.  This was something Americans didn’t have to think about before “Fast Food” and “Food Additives”.  So the fad diets lead to disappointment which often leads to the rebound depression from gaining back more weight than you loss and one finds themselves’ back on statins (Anti-Cholesterol drugs) and Beta Blockers (Blood pressure lowering drugs).  And then if uncontrolled; insulin as obesity often leads to a new disease called type II diabetes.  It’s a self-induced form of diabetes.    If a person wants that high school body back; they need to understand that it will take time.  Unfortunately, the microwave and McDonald’s has turned us into a society of instant self-gratification.  We want to lose weight and we want it now.  What’s great about losing weight at a healthy pace (2.5 pounds a month) is that it takes a serious approach and you will respect the work you went through to shed the weight.  Losing weight over a long period of time also makes it harder to put the weight back on because your stomach becomes atrophic like any other muscle that doesn’t get stretched.  And by all means, leave surgery as a last resort.  Surgery is becoming far too acceptable as a form of losing weight.  I think it’s like using abortion as a form of birth control.

Once you’ve lost weight the correct way, (Ask your doctor what is best for you) your self-esteem will increase.  Even if you don’t look like Brad or Angelina, a slimmer/healthier version of yourself will work wonders for your self-esteem.  Maybe even enough to get off of Effexor or whatever anti-depressant you’ve been taking like candy.

Here’s another surprise; your blood pressure will decrease as will your cholesterol.  So you will not need those daily pills. 

Are you beginning to understand how this is all linked together?  And what’s sad is, the subtle truth is: you have the power to get rid of the pills.  My doctor once said, you need to learn to shut your mouth.  That’s easier said than done.  But losing weight takes more than talking about it.   It takes coming to the realization that you’re fat.  Many think they can dress in black and their weight will not show.  But if you’re taking statins and Beta-blockers, you’ve probably got a weight problem. Some can be thin as a rail and have sky rocketing cholesterol levels. (a condition called hyperlipidemia) but for most of America, we see beautiful people on T.V. and become depressed because we don’t look like that.  So many give up on self-control.  The more you can get off of daily pills, the less dependent you become on your pharmacist.  And in this unstable world, you have to ask yourself what you are going to do if all the pharmacies close down?  Don’t think it can’t happen.  Then everyone will understand the term: “Survival of the fittest”.

 

 

PHYSICAL PAIN VS. MEMORY PAIN

Ace Andres House

I live with physical pain everyday of my life.  It’s kind of like depression in that you develop coping skills.  I’ve lived with “Memory Pain” since I was 11.  I’ve gotten very good at ignoring physical pain.  The Movie RAMBO comes to mind when Russians are electrocuting Stallone.  The Russian Col. Podovskop says: “I see you’re no stranger to pain”.  Sure it hurts, but there exists in the back of your mind a switch that gives you a small out of body experience.  It doesn’t stop the pain, but it puts you into a “rope-a-dope” frame of mind.

Rambo

Did you ever wonder why people faint when they see something frightening? That’s a form of neurogenic shock.  It’s actually a mental defense mechanism, a “circuit breaker”, (if I may), for your brain.

Neuro-Physiologists believe that our mind retains everything we witness or experience.  (The Good as well as the Painful) The only good thing about it is God has given us a wonderful gift of buffering the physical pain, yet lets us remember the truly pleasurable (to a degree).  Unlike the pleasurable, the physical pain often leaves visual scars.  That’s why we have long pants, turtle neck shirts and Sun glasses.

Unfortunately, there is another type of pain and pleasure that God allows you to live with.  It’s called (To use a blues term) “Memory Pain”.  That’s musician talk for Psychological pain.  Just as the memory of physical pain never really goes away; Psychological pain is a much more powerful factor in your “recall” mechanism.  Since the pain is “All in your head”.  When the recollection of a painful memory is recalled; the pain is almost as painful as feeling it for the first time.  Unfortunately, just as God buffers the recall of physical pain; memory pain is as real as if it were happening again.  Paradoxically, the good Psychological memories seem to get buffered or sometimes “buried” by the memory pain.

Baggage

So modern man or counselors have given this data in your memory banks a name. It’s called “Baggage”.

TIME HEALS

Todd Rundgren wrote a song called: “Time Heals”.  The title verse reads: “Time heals the wounds that no one can see”. I contend that time doesn’t heal memory pain; it only creates a mental scar.  It’s amazing how a song, or a smell (especially a smell) can rip open that scab.  Quantum physicists claim that the mind cannot tell the difference between a memory and reality, especially if the memory is based on reality and not a dream.

THE SUPPOSED CURE

Modern Psychiatry says that externalizing emotional pain is the answer to dealing with it.  From a more pragmatic approach, I reference Todd again.  In his song, “Parallel Lines”, Todd writes: “Understanding won’t satisfy the hunger”.  I guess with any 12 step program, understanding you have a problem is the first step (and only the first step) to dealing with it.  The problem is, only a severe case of amnesia can get rid of memory pain.  I’ve come to disbelieve in the concept of “Closure”.  If closure is defined as “Coping with a painful memory” then perhaps.

A person with a severe case of memory pain will be sitting in a 5 star restaurant and a the guy at the piano next to the waterfall will start playing a certain song and you immediately have to get up and excuse yourself to the restroom.  Wait til the tears stop, pull out your visine, compose yourself and make up an excuse about how you’re fighting a stomach bug.  It’s amazing what can trigger memory pain.  The worst part is that most of the time you can’t see it coming.  Here’s a tip: “The longer you internalize your pain, the harder it hits you when it decides to manifest.

MEN IN BLACK

MIB

In the original movie “MEN IN BLACK” Tommy Lee Jones’ “covert” character is only able to see his former “loved one” from a satellite view.  He’s interrupted by his partner (Played by Will Smith) who uses the worn out cliché: “Well you know what they say? It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all”.

Tommy Lee responds: “TRY IT”!

If the above doesn’t resonate to some degree with you; then you’re probably one of those self-centered, materialistic individuals that can shit on others then go onto ruin another person’s life.

EPILOGUE

Given the choice between the two?  I’ll take the physical pain.  I’ve lived with severe upper extremity pain since 1996.  In 2009 the pain escalated to a new level.  I say this with more than a grain of salt, but, you learn to live with physical pain.  You “manage” your physical pain.  Sometimes you’re no fun to be around, but you have no choice.

Emotional pain is not as persistent as the physical.  It hides its’ ugly head for months or years.  But just when you think you’re over it; it shows its’ self. Emotional pain is much more pernicious than physical pain.

ONE LAST OBSERVATION

As I said earlier, my mom died when I was 11.  That made 6th grade miserable.  I was acting out before I even knew what acting out was.  I apologize to my 6th grade teachers.  But I recall being sent to the office for being an asshole.  I had a destiny with the “Board” of education often know as corporal punishment.  What hurt the most was sitting in the secretary’s office waiting for my “ass whooping”.  But the secretary asked me if my Mom was a home, and boy was I in trouble.  I responded almost tearfully: “No mam, my mom is dead”.  Her paradigm shifted into apology mode.  That’s what hurt really bad.  It was public humiliation.  I can remember being struck on the ass with a fungo stick with holes in it, but it was nothing compared to the humiliation in the lobby.  I came out of the spanking with my dignity.  No tears.  But having to confess I had no mother?  That hurt.

2 years and 60 pounds lighter – How?

My Secret

60 pounds over 2 years

On February 15th 2012, I visited my doctor and she made me get on the scale.  Much to my surprise, I found out why I had high blood pressure.  Some things you can’t blame totally on Obama.  But I was consederably overweight.  Not obese but overweight.

I was starting to suffer all of the symptoms of an obese person, (borderline type II diabetes, my glucose stayed on the high parameters of normal and the most painful thing, gout),  but I looked proportional.  I looked large but not fat.  I use to lift weights in highschool so I’m use to having large shoulders and pecks.  That’s not a good thing.  It enables you to exist in denial.  Now I swim in my old jackets that I couldn’t zip up.

To make a very ugly and long story short, I went home and said I’m not touching another beer and all I’m going to consume are protien shakes. I was embarrassed and had hit rock bottom.

I played sports in highschool and American Legion Baseball before I went into the military so I know what it’s like to be in great shape.  This was that “aha” moment that I needed.  I found that when I quit having 2 Heinikens a night I started sleeping better.

The protien shakes were becoming a pain in the ass though.  But one night I was watching “Undercover CEO”.  It was a cute show while it lasted.  It was a show about the CEO of a corporation dressing up like a stranger and working as a janitor or entry level customer service worker.  They would fly to a remote part of the country on their G4 and show up in their Taco Bell uniform.

One night I was watching this episode of a CEO that was trying his hardest to lose weight and he was eating nothing but Peanut Butter on a slice of bread.  I tried it and it did a great job of ridding my body of the hunger.  As for the peanut ; Talk it over with your doctor, but I use Laura Scudder’s “All Natural” crunchy.  I avoid “organic” because Peanuts need to be sprayed to keep aflatoxins from growing.  Aflatoxins are very bad for your liver.  Now people will say: “But isn’t peanut butter really fattening”?  It doesn’t have a high fat content but the great part is that it’s mono-saturated.  It has “Good Cholesterol”/ “Good Fat”.  This is the stuff that lowers your low density lipids or LDL Cholesterol aka “BAD CHOLESTEROL”  It also lowers your triglycerides.  (I save a lot of money on statins and beta blockers) But again, it works for me, check with your doctor before you try it.  As for my one meal of the day, some nights it’s Chinese food, other nights it’s ground sirloin burgers in a myriad of ways.

I still eat one good meal a day and about 3 slices of bread with Laura Scudder’s natural Peanut Butter (approx. 2 table spoonfulls per slice.  Since February 15th 2012, I’ve lost almost 60 pounds. I don’t miss the alcohol.  In fact I think we have an extra 150.00 bucks a month we use to spend on Heineken.  (Not to mention the 20 bucks a day we use to spend on lunch).

It works for me.  I take vitamin supplements and try and get a serious amount of green vegetables in that one meal a day that I eat.  All together I probably consume 1200 calories a day.  The Ideal weight loss program is to lose 2.5 pounds a month.  If I did my math right, that’s 30 pounds a year which is what I’ve done.  If you crash diet, your body will more than likely put the pounds back on plus a few more.  If you diet in an unhealthy way, you could die like Terri Schiavo.  (Enzyme imbalance).

If the peanut butter doesn’t do it for you, just try cutting every thing you eat in half.  Get rid of the drinks, (Alcohol or sodas) both are useless calories.

By the way,  with Obamacare being in our future, I no longer need Lipitor or BP lowering medicine, which is a great thing.

I’M NOT A DOCTOR BUT…

Doc S4F

I played one for four years in the Navy as a Corpsman.  That’s pronounced Kore-Mon. (You white-house scum bag).  It’s what you hear Marines yell when they’ve been hit.  While bullets are whistling past your ears, your focus is to put someone’s intestines back in their belly and throw an “abdominal dressing on it, and get them to a stretcher.

I saw my share of action but only after I had gone to Operating Technology school.  In the military, they trained Medics or Corpsman to assist in surgery.  This is why I was such a good one when I got out of the military.

Being a surgical tech was a new vocation in the country when I got out.  I was fortunate to get a “go nowhere job” with the government at the Naval Hospital in Oakland.  From there, I went to the private sector and worked for Plastic Surgeons and then eventually once Surgery centers popped up, I worked in the outpatient arena. (No call)  In the mid-1980s the Government came out with a medical reform called D.R.Gs or “Diagnostic Related Groups”.  It created “reasonable reimbursement rates for medical/surgical procedures”.  By the time this had happened, I had gotten a degree in Business and I was selling operating room stuff trying to “Make lots of money”.

Surgical

Because of the cut backs in medical reimbursement; the good old days of medical sales were over.   So I went back to the operating room.  The pay was not that good but it was steady.  Then in the early 90s to 2000, Insurance companies and the government stopped paying for an assistant to help the Surgeon.  As you can see in the pic above, you need a competent extra set of hands in surgery to hold things still or to suppress bleeding while the surgeon cuts what he’s trying to resect.

When Endoscopic Surgery came out I was working at Stanford University Medical Center.  I was the surgical tech/assistant all the doctors AND under studies (Residents) wanted to work with.  Many of them said I was a better surgeon than a lot of the staff doctors they had to rotate with.  (I was fortunate because I would get to work 10 hours a day with some of the greatest Doctors at Stanford.  (These were usually private, not university doctors).

“But it’s not about me”.

During the 90s I saw my salary double.  But I’m not here to talk about my career.  I’m here to comment on the state of surgery.  The patients I worked on were lucky because I had a long history and experience in surgery.  I had really good hands.  In most cases I could have done the surgery myself.  In fact I was going to write a book of all of the bad or new surgeons and the mistakes I stopped them from making. (I’ll save those stories for another day) Today they have these vocational schools that teach kids how to hand instruments to doctors and that’s about it.  In the Navy, you were expected to sew up the patient while the doctor went to another room.  That’s a huge difference in the learning curve.

In some operations, that second set of hands needs to be very experienced and confident as well as competent.  Most of the surgery I’ve had, I’ve been able to pick my anesthesiologist and assistant to work with my surgeon.  But I’ve seen cases where that extra set of hands was just an extra set of hands.  The tech couldn’t put their finger on a set of shoe strings to help you tie your shoes, let alone, find a hole in a blood vessel and clamp it off.  So as my pay doubled, the quality of surgery declined across America.

When I look back, some of the best compliments I’ve ever heard were from a stressed out doctor who said: “I’m really glad you were there”.  At some hospitals when I was watching the new breed just out of the Bryman school, I had to turn my head and walk away, thanking God it wasn’t me on that table and appreciate the thousands of patients I did work on.  I can only see the quality of medical/surgical care diminish with Obamacare.

But it will keep the Lawyers happy and in the end, killing off 25% of the population is how you jumpstart communism right?

PENILE EXTENSION

PENILE EXTENSION SURGERY

And other male procedures

(Ouch)

Sorry, no pictures

 In all fairness, after publishing an article on breast Augmentation,   I felt the male counter surgery needed to be discussed.  But I had never EVER seen or heard of Penile extension surgery before.  (Not that it’s a personal concern) Hey I’m not bragging.  BUT, there was a time when I was working for a surgical registry and one of my assignments was at the U.C.S.F. Surgical Center in San Francisco.

I had done lots of “Out of this world”, experimental operations at UCSF medical center that left me driving home asking myself: “What the hell did I just do today”?  Seriously!  I was Staff at Stanford University Medical Center for 4 years and I saw some “Pioneering” procedures being done, but at UCSF, all I can say is OMG.  And OMG is not nearly close enough to describe the horror.

HAIR TRANSPLANTS

Anyway, Ladies; you women aren’t the only ones insecure about your private parts.  I use to literally do hair transplants by myself. (Almost) The surgeon would come in with the patient asleep.  He would drill/core 30 to 60 holes in a males bald scalp. (And leave the plugs in the scalp) Then he would cut out a swatch of hair from the back of the patient’s head and drill 60 to 70 holes in this piece of scalp.  (Again leaving them in the swatch).  Then he would leave the room for about an hour, and I would take forceps (Tweezers) and delicate scissors and pull the plugs out of the swatch that had hair follicles.  Then after I had graded them; I would take the same forceps and scissors and pull out the bald plugs which were .5mm smaller than the ones with hair and toss them.

I would then spend the next 45 minutes putting the hairy plugs into the empty holes and I also had to point the hair in the right direction.  Then when I was done, the wealthy cosmetic surgeon would put on gloves, come back into the room and sow the “Swatch” site together and inspect my placement.  He got paid something like 17.00 a plug.  I got 14.00 an hour.  But that’s just one insecurity that men put themselves through and in L.A. there’s a clinic that specializes in nothing but these plugs.  You’ve probably seen their commercials on TV.

PENILE LENGTHENING

Meanwhile back in San Francisco; there is one certain ethnicity that does these incredible painfully hard procedures that lengthen a males penis maybe an inch.  It’s a nightmare as it involves taking soft tissue grafts and sowing them together to create length.  The problem is you can only suture so many together.  Then you have to wait a year and if your Penis doesn’t look like a curved banana, (well actually they’re more like bent cocktail sausages), they can try and add more length.  Now I’m not going to show any pics because I don’t think my audience could handle the graphic procedure.  But I will say this.  The doctors that do this procedure and the patients have one thing in common (Besides the obvious) they are all of the same “basic” ethnicity.  I won’t give away the ethnicity, but I’ll only say that they do a fine job of contributing to the world population with what they have.

PENILE PROSTHESIS/IMPLANTS

One last thing men will put themselves through, and this, sadly, is for guys that have lost the erectile ability due to cancer or congenital issues.  It’s called the Penile Prosthesis.  No it’s not a strap on dildo.  The way an erection works is by filling two long chambers on either side of your urethra (Pee tube) with blood.  What Viagra does is forces blood into these tube shaped chambers.  But for some men; the blood cannot stay in the “Corpora”  So for these unfortunate men, science has designed inflatable bladders.  You heard me right.  They’re like hot dog shaped breast implants only you pump them up yourself.  So you have empty plastic liners in your penis and a reservoir filled with saline up above your pubic region.

When you want a woody, you started pumping a pump device.  When you’re done having sex, you hit a release button which drains the salt water back into the reservoir.   I really feel sorry for these guys as they are putting their manhood through a ton of risk just to have sex.  The risk of infection is higher because of the location.  Personally, if I were in my 20s, I would have to think long and hard (sorry the pun) about this procedure.

We often take so much for granted.

TITS

TITS

B Cup

THIS IS A B CUP

This is a story about personal preference in the female appearance.  It’s about trying to clear up awful misconceptions and insecurities women have about their looks.  Let me just come right out and say it.  “THE SIZE OF YOUR BREASTS DO NOT MATTER”.  In fact I believe in that statement so much that I got fired from assisting a plastic Surgeon as a result of a conversation we were having about breast “augmentation”.  In fact, breast implants are to a cosmetic surgeon as Tonsillectomies and P.E. Tubes are to a pediatric Ear Nose and Throat surgeon.  It’s their “bread and butter”.

From this Man’s point of view (POV) breast are for babies.  From an anatomical POV, breast are fat cells that protect mammary glands.  These glands create breast milk to nourish the new born.  I have never been one to stare at a woman’s breasts.  It’s been my experience that a woman with truly large breast, will eventually (before she hits 40) have a truly large waste line to match them.  That usually comes with a really large matching ass and extremities.

I live in a part of the U.S. that has many casinos.  I’ve had the “joy” to see many “show girls”.  The first time I ever saw a choreography show, the women were all topless. (Much to my surprise. Seriously)  Let me preface this by saying each one had a fabulous body; but not one of them had a B cup or larger.  I wasn’t able to go backstage to interview any of the dancers, but I know a person who knows a person who is involved in the casino entertainment industry.   I was told that they work so hard; they literally dance the fat off of their breasts.

That impressed me.

This impresses me even more.

GR8

The common infantile view of a male who seeks a woman with large breasts I’ve always felt came from being breast fed as a child.  I’ve never done any research and I have no science to back it up, but I can only speak for myself. (Bottle fed).  I’ve never turned my head when a woman with large breasts walked by.  I certainly would not insist that a woman I dated who was a b cup or smaller subject herself to the blade.  Again, I believe that the attraction to the fat cells of a woman’s breast, are an infantile attraction.  It says a lot about the guy as well.  So ladies B cup and under, if a guy wants you to have breast implants; RUN.  And guys, if a woman is saving for an augmentation; RUN.  Deep within her lays an insecurity that needs to be healed in a psychiatrist’s office. (Not a cosmetic surgeon’s operating room).

THE SURGERY

In the old days, surgeons actually made incisions around the nipple and literally STUFFED bags of silicon into the fat cells.  The result was a fake looking augmentation.  Then in the late 90s after many implants by Dow had exploded at 20,000 feet on American Airlines, surgeons went to an inflatable implant that was filled with Saline (Salt water).  At the same time, the very advanced surgeon would make an incision in your armpit, then slide the implant under one of your chest muscles and THEN fill it with saline.  The problem is: “size”.  It’s kind of like the argument for minimum raise.  Some say it should be 10.00 and hour, some say 15.00 an hour while pundits say: “Why not 100.00 an hour”?  The same decision has to be made by the patient.

Have you ever seen a guy in his late 30s, who has been gray for 10 years, all of a sudden show up at work with jet black hair?  The term “FAKE” gets circulated through the whole building.  Such is the case when your co-worker goes from

Twiggy

“Twiggy” to

morganna

Morganna”   

So let’s finish my story about getting fired by a plastic surgeon.  Doctor So and So asked me in the middle of a breast augmentation: “What my opinion was about women with implants”.  I said: “I wasn’t impressed by big breasts and that woman who felt they needed an augmentation had insecurity issues”.  Hey, it was just my opinion.  As it turns out, the nurse who was in the room was a previous patient of the surgeon.

The surgeon responded with a Freudian response. ” He said: “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”.  I responded: “I hate cigars”. 

A month later I was once again a full time musician.  What can I say?  I decided once I got divorced that I would stay away from women with 3 things.

  1. Cosmetic surgery.  (Optional surgery, not elective)
  2. Tattoos
  3. Women who smoked.

Sometimes a Cigar is a Trojan horse.

“The smaller the woman’s breasts; The closer your hearts are”. ~ Ace