The Beatles, like any other band didn’t happen over night.  They played some of the filthiest dives In Hamburg as well as the ever so celebrated “Cavern Club”.  In other words, yes they were drawing an audience, but so was the guy with  who juggled hatchets.  It really wasn’t until the Beatles had a manager that they became the “Fab Four”.  Why? Because they hired someone that had a vision.  Fortunately his vision wasn’t filling his pockets with their money.  He had a Mission Statement.

What is this “Intimidating” word?  It’s not that hard to understand, but it’s one of the most important concepts for any carbon based life form.  It helps you define your goals in life.  It’s your career compass or GPS.  The life spectrum is like the light spectrum.  On the right side of the spectrum you have a Mission Statement driven life.  On the left; You have: “Maybe I’ll win the lottery this week”.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But I do wonder what life would be like if we had a clue as to what happens after you’re “grave yard dead”. The French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote, “We are not Human beings trying to have a spiritual experience; but Spiritual being having a human experience”.  How would you live your life if you knew you only had 6 months to live?

The truth is, you don’t know if you’re going to see the sunrise tomorrow.

A mission statement is something that guides individuals, companies, organizations and its’ branches or any entity that stands for something and wants to achieve it.  A mission statement is your purpose in life or business or your family.   A mission statement for a company such as the Ritz-Carlton Hotel would be something of the nature of: “We will provide our guests with every possible comfort affordable to make their stay as pleasant as possible”. (I just made that up)

Everything you do MUST pertain to your mission statement.  (This includes sleep, the food you eat, the vocabulary you use, everything) I’m not saying that everything you do has to be a major achievement towards your mission, but if you are striving to be a supermodel, avoiding a bag of chips has its’ place, just as choosing the right publicist.


Without a mission statement (written or not) you have no direction. You’re like a boat being tossed in the ocean without a rudder, sails or chart.  Without direction, you are lost. Some organizations take the mission statement so seriously that they have mission statements for each employee’s position. One mission statement for all employees at the Hilton Hotel is never point. Always escort“. The problem is; without a mission statement, you truly lose direction. If you are an individual that wants to become the CEO of Warner Brothers, you can’t just say “I’d like to be” or “I’ll work my way towards it” .  BE SPECIFIC!


A mission statement means that the single most important essence of your existence is to move towards becoming the CEO of Warner Brothers. If your’s is “I will become the CEO of Warner Brothers”. Then you have direction. You know where Warner Brothers is. You know What their Stock is worth. You know what they do. You know who the current CEO is and when he’s going to be replaced. But if you don’t know what company you want to become the CEO of, or if you don’t know if you want to be a CEO or a CFO, then you don’t have a mission statement.


Most people in life fall into the vast majority of those that don’t know what they want from life. As Henry David Thoreau wrote in “Walden”; “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation”. They don’t have a mission statement if even a clue of what they want to do in this life. Children are forced at the age of 17 to decide what their mission statements will be. They wonder what they will do when they leave the school system. Should I follow in my father’s footsteps? Should I find out who my father is? Should I be a doctor? Do I want a job to be rich?  Do I want to do good for mankind? Am I going to sell computers or drugs?  17 is just too young of an age to make these decisions for some. I know many professionals that chose a field just to keep up with the expectations of their piers or parents. Only to find themselves unhappy and seeking what they truly were meant to do.  On the other hand, the great German scientist, “Werner Von Braun” pretty much knew at the age of 8 that he wanted to build rockets and was attracted to astronomy.

When I was interviewed for a newspaper article the person interviewing me on the phone asked me about my philosophy on life. I told her that you needed to “find your voice” or that passion that gets you out of bed in the morning. It’s that one thing that you do that seems “timeless” when you do it. She soon confided in me that she was a former “registered nurse” that always wanted to be a writer. I knew a very talented “Plastic Surgeon” that had an important practice fixing scars on burn patients. I asked him what he enjoyed doing in his spare time. He responded, “My sculpting”. I was prepared to hear the usual response of “listen to music”, or “go hiking” etc… But he was passionate about sculpting. So much as to say that he wished he could afford to give up his practice to be a full time sculpture.

We all know deep inside that we have a special talent. This talent should become a purpose for your life. Without it, you are just 1.37 cents worth of chemicals waiting to die. I urge you to write down what your passion is. What would get you out of bed at 4 in the morning voluntarily to start work on?  Write it down, then start researching the steps involved in accomplishing it. How many years of college, or what city you would have to move to?  Then weigh the sacrifices versus the accomplishment. Most of us are frightened of the sacrifice.

But if it came easy, would you appreciate it?

The hardest part is finding what gets you out of bed when you would rather sleep in.

Identify the opportunities that “Thing” offers.  What’s the highest position you can achieve?  THINK BIG!

Develop a plan, (School, practice, managers, demographics etc…) and think long term.  What will the VCR market be like in 10 years?  (What’s this DVD crap)?  Once you know where you want to be, it’s like plotting directions from L.A. to Chicago on route 66.


The Tweener Generation


Those of us born between 1955 and 1960 are the “Tweeners”.  I think that’s what Eddie Van Halen called us.  Brian Setzer is also a Tweener.  We were too young for Woodstock and the Hippie thing in the 60s.  We did get to admire Jimi Hendrix, but we were to young to go se him.  Then we were too Old for the 80s/MTV generation.  So we really don’t have a musical trend that guys like me, Eddie and Brian really fit into.  I guess Metal could be our sound, but it was a niche sound.  Brian went retro and did Rock-a-Billy.  But then he formed his Orchestra and won Grammy awards with the 23 piece Brian Setzer Orchestra.  Raul Malo from the Mavericks is a tweener and he actually did a few albums that fell into the “Tom Jones”/”Elvis Movie songs” genre.  Now he’s back with the Mavericks doing country rock. Or Tex-Mex music.

One thing us tweeners do not have is a certain loyalty to a certain era or genre.  I grew up listening to Glenn Miller as well as Elvis.  Then when the Beatles came over, I sort of went with the Dave Clark Five because “They ROCKED”.  But now I find myself in love with Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra.  Oh to have been one of Bogey’s drinking buddies.  That’s how the Rat Pack started.  Lauren Bacall called Humphrey Bogart’s drinking buddies, his Rat Pack, and it stuck.  Dean Martin just use to call Frank and Sammy “The guys”.  I hope their music never fades away.

Since I moved to Nevada, I’ve been haunted by the ghosts of Sinatra, Martin, Davis Jr. and of course Elvis.  Somewhere in Vegas I’m sure Wayne Newton is still entertaining.  But there was a whole generation of beautiful Music that got kicked to the curb by “Race” Music/Rock and Roll.

Dean 22A Blue Eyes King and court

As a Musician, I could sit and watch Jimmy Stewart play “Glenn Miller” in the Glenn Miller Story which starred some of our country’s greatest Iconic musicians from Louis Armstrong to Benny Goodman and Gene Krupa.  Back in the 1930’s our country was opening a new present called pop music.  Musicians were becoming popular.
Deutschere Frank Dean 22
As a Musician, I could stand and play Jimi Hendrix riffs all night long.  But in the back of my mind, I know none of it would have been possible had Glenn Miller not taken music into a “Popular” direction.  This would eventually lead to kids waiting for Elvis and Buddy Holly to ride into town.
In the cities, Singers, Crooners like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin were fronting the big bands.  It was Sinatra that plowed the road for Elvis.  Elvis once said the singer he “admired” the most was Dean Martin.  This is not to be confused with the time he called Roy Orbison: “The greatest Singer in the World”.  Elvis admired Dino’s voice and his acting ability. (See the Elvis song: “Loving You”)
But I was sadly disappointed this morning when I did the math and realized that the Bobby Soxers that loved the Rat Pack are now in nursing homes at best. I always considered those in their 70’s as being the audience for Cultural American swing.  But if you do the math; those 70 year olds probably got high to the “Iron Butterfly”.  Many Woodstockers are now in nursing homes.
Perhaps Harry Connick Jr. and Brian Setzer are the only ones left to tell a wonderful story of dance halls and spinning mirror balls.  The Rat Pack is in heaven with Glenn Miller and Marilyn Monroe.
Who knows, Maybe your humble host will do a Crooner Album. Who knows, it could be a whole new genre?  A marriage of Dean Martin and Eric Clapton.  It might work.  Ya never know.

Pathetic Liberals

Dem litter

National Mall after Obama inauguration

Clean up cost to the Taxpayers: $25,000

The Democrats have been a ruse even before I can remember, they’re also self centered thoughtless pigs.  Where was the compassion and concern for minorities when the Dems were Pro-slavery?  Oh that’s right, things were different back then.  OK, have things changed?  Minorities are still seen as useful idiots by the Democrats.  Why do you think Dems are so hell bent on amnesty for illegal aliens (Those who “broke our law” when they came here) Why do you think Dick Schumer wants voting rights for ex-felons.  If he’s so righteous about forgiveness, why doesn’t he talk about giving felons their 2nd amendment right?  Why did Nancy Pelosi say “God bless Occupy Wall Street”?  Again, useful idiots glorified by the media (more useful idiots) who defecated on Police cars and ruined downtown New York.

The Democrats are like irresponsible students that try to manipulate the substitute teacher by making them think that their regular teacher tolerates unacceptable behavior.  (All the time hoping their real teacher never comes back)

What is the etymology or ideology behind the Left?  It has nothing to do with championing human rights.  If it did, we never would have fought a civil war.  What creates the liberal leftist is “inner insecurity”.  Unfortunately this leads to the national “Power Grab”.  Why do you think communists eliminate human rights or kill those who disagree?  Communism, the ultimate dream of “Liberalism” is about maximum income equality.

Seriously, what good is treating everyone with equality if your equality is shit?

Why do liberals hate capitalism?  Because capitalism flourishes on self-reliance.  Our founding fathers knew this, which is why they gave us a democratic “Republic” and “The right to bear arms”.

If you look at the left, they’re the most insecure candy asses on the planet.  Put Wendy Davis and Sarah Palin in the wilderness with minimal survival tools and see who lives longer. It’s in the conservative’s nature to take personal responsibility and realize that it’s up to them, not the government, to keep them alive.  Most liberals would be happy with a warm bottle of milk and someone to change their stinky diapers.

Many Liberals are liberals because they just can’t deal with their insecurities.  One might ask: “What about Hollywood actors?  Aren’t they secure”? Not only NO but Hell no.  Entertainers are the most insecure people on the planet.  It doesn’t matter how much money they have.  It’s not about “White guilt”.  It’s about insecurity.  Again, put George Clooney and some old guy like Ted Nugent in the wilderness and see who lasts longer?

Liberals basically have no confidence in themselves.  They get their identity from others.  This is why even some of the greatest actors are helpless as human survivors.  You’ll find some of the most pernicious liberals are the fat, undisciplined, and aesthetically repugnant liberals like Michael Moore.  Many liberals have chips on their shoulders from their formative years, which were the seeds that grew into the liberal mind.  They have a: “Write this down – NEVER ENDING NEED TO BE ACCEPTED BY OTHERS”.  Let me give you an example.  I was friends with a fat kid growing up.  This kid was not only fat, but the only minority of his race in a rural town.  We know how cruel kids can be and I KNOW this had to form the desire to be “accepted by others”.  I’ll give you a great example of what I’m talking about.  We were both in our 40s when I released my first album.  One would think that by the time you are 40, you would lose your idiotic rebellious teen attitude.  I mentioned in one interview how one of my fictional heroes was “Joey Evans”.  My friend asked me who Joey Evans was.  I said: “Oh that’s the character in the movie Pal Joey”.   He said, What movie was that?  (And I thought liberals were suppose to be of culture and well read”.  I responded: “It’s the night club entertainer that was played by Frank Sinatra”.  His response was: “Yuk, oh god”.  You see it wasn’t cool to admit you liked or even appreciated the music your parents enjoyed.  He might have gotten kicked out of the cool kids club.  I’m positive, without reservation that he would argue about the fine art of Miley Cyrus’ Twerking.

I can summarize the Liberal in this two sentence exchange I had with my now estranged sister.

Sister: “Well I’m a Democrat because they’re for the little guy”. (I’m thinking: “Yes if you enjoy mediocrity”).

Me: “Why would you want to live your life as a little guy”?

That’s just it.  Liberals aren’t providers, they’re takers.  They don’t want to be productive members of society unless they can get validation from others.  Over time, the inner insecurity becomes hateful envy.  They basically hate that they were not born rich; instead of having the drive to become rich.  I use to be a Democrat,  as was Ronald Reagan and Charles Krauthammer.  But we also use to crap in our diapers and whine about wanting someone to feed us.  Then we grew up and saw the ignorance of our way.  Growing up; It’s a concept that liberals refuse and see as selling out.  I was a Democrat because I lived next door to a congressman that was a Democrat and let me work in his re-election campaign office. Then of course as a teen, I became a team leader for a nut job named George McGovern.  When I got out of the military and started paying taxes; I grew up and became a Reagan Republican.


National Mall After Tea Party Protest.  Clean up cost

to Tax Payers? $0.00



I thought I was seeing things last night.  But it appears the cat is out of the bag.  NASA is no longer hiding the X-43A hypersonic aircraft.

I saw it last night.

I was in north western Nevada and I saw an unusual contrail coming over the Sierra Nevada Mountain range south of Lake Tahoe.  I saw what appeared to be a bat out of hell fly behind a cloud.  I was driving to a meeting so I couldn’t pull over and watch, but I blinked and looked back up and it had left the cloud a 100 miles behind it.  Fortunately I hit a red light. So I stuck my head out of my vehicle and watched this aircraft ascend to the Ionosphere, then disappear somewhere over eastern Idaho.

Not really something spectacular.  Until I tell you: “It only took about 30 seconds.  It was incredible.  I thought about it all night then I found my answer at the Official NASA Website.

NNASA SAYS: THE X-43A Broke Mach 9.6 (7000mph) Good Mama!!!!!




National Geographic ran a series for 3 seasons called “Doomsday Preppers”.  The intent was to make survivalists look like paranoid idiots.  After 5 years of Obama, should something happen which is NOT out of the question; it would appear we will be ruled by Paranoid Idiots.


The show originally featured 3 scenarios and 3 different “Preppers” (name given to those “preparing” for a crisis) then, in game show fashion, the preppers would be given a score based on their plan and resources by a group of experts known only as “practical preppers”.  Following each scenario, they would give the odds of such a crisis happening.  Of course the show would say: “Our EXPERTS SAY” Then they would basically call the preppers crazy for preparing for things like: “The collapse of our currency”, The explosion of an electro-magnetic-pulse or EMP over the U.S. which would render most of America “Powerless”.  Some were preparing for “Biological Warfare” or Pandemics.  Some feared this administration would impose martial law.  (Oh no, that would never happen). What’s the emoticon for a smirk? I found the natural disasters interesting.  If you look at a map of the U.S. you have 5 to 6 major acts of nature you should be concerned about.

  1. Tsunamis – There’s not much you can do if you have that beautiful beach front property.  We’ve seen seismic activity in the Pacific Ocean over the last 10 years.  The Atlantic coastline is not immune either.  There is a part of Portugal that could fall into the Atlantic causing a huge Tsunami to hit the East Coast.
  2. Volcanic activity- The Yellowstone Caldera seemed to be of grave concern. It’s not your ordinary      Volcano, rather a Caldera or “Bowl”(a Super Volcano) that could erupt the size of 4-5 states in the mid north-west.       The concern is the ash cloud that would cause a nuclear winter type greenhouse effect.
  3. The devaluation of the dollar – This concern was the most popular.  Since Idiot Americans elected Barak      Hussein Obama; the deficit has gone from 9 Trillion to 17.3 trillion as of this article.  The ramifications of      an uncontrollable debt could lead to a myriad of causes for civil unrest.  Every month, the Federal Reserve pumps 75 Billion dollars of “Monopoly” (or FIAT) money into the banks to keep the stock market from crashing.  If this happens and our paper money is worthless, who is going to pay the police and the fire department.  The Iphone culture will become the old west overnight.
  4. The Major fault lines – The San Andreas fault is part of the Pacific ring of Fire.  You’ve heard the jokes about California falling into the ocean? That would be plausible if we had a “Super-quake”  Also mentioned is the      “New Madrid” fault which, once upon a time, made the Mississippi river      flow towards Canada.
  5. Biological Terrorism –This one is no joke as we’ve seen the Aviary flu and the Spanish flu reduce the world population by millions in the 20th century.  Many speculate that a dirty bomb or an aerosol bomb with Neuro-toxins or viruses could be released into our atmosphere by terrorists.
  6. Civil War – Many feel that Obama is setting up the country for an uncivil war.  He’s trying to rob the rich to feed the lazy.  This is American where Americans pride themselves on self-reliance.  The sales of guns are at an all-time high.  The country is at an all-time state of divisiveness.  You do the  math.


After 3 years, most of the preppers saw Obama and the debt as the root of anything really bad that would bring an “End to the world as we know it” scenario to fruition.  Not necessarily an end to the world or even mankind; but an end to smart phones, microwave ovens and even conventional transportation.


I have an outline that anyone should be able to address just for the sake of a local emergency.  These 5 primary areas of concern should be addressed by you personally and don’t expect the government to send you a helicopter being flown by fucking Santa Clause.

  1. Water – Invest in a Waterbob.  BOB stands for “Bug Out Bag”  it’s a term that was coined in the Korean war.  Bugging out means you relocate really fast.  A waterbob is basically a waterbed mattress for fresh drinking water.  It will hold up to 300 gallons of drinking water.
  2. Food & Medications – Many people are not aware that once the electricity is out, everything will stop.  Including diesel pumps.  No trucks? No deliveries.  That means no prescription refills.  As for food, you want a minimum of 3 days.  Most people will be eating their canned green beans for 2 days.  The shelves at Wal-Mart will be clean in 45 minutes.
  3. Fire Arms/sufficient Ammo – Should you have food; you will need to protect it.  As I said, if the police and fire department aren’t getting paid, there will be no rule of law.  You (I’m sorry to inform you) will need to provide for your own common defense.  Look at what happened in New Orleans after Katrina hit.  Don’t be without adequate protection.  I recommend the “circle of defense”.
  4. First Aid – I can actually perform small surgical procedures in my home if I have to.  I’ve gone so far as to buy suture, dressings and of course masks and sterile gloves.  Do not count on the Hospitals being open
  5. Communication – This is last on the list as you will want to know what is going on.  Those with Ham or CB radios will be able to communicate outside of the community.  You should at least have a set of small walkie-talkies.
  6. As a bonus, you might consider a generator and a dirt bike.  The generator can help you out with “Well water” (Not running the refrigerator) and a dirt bike will be one of the more reliable forms of transportation with cars littering the highway.

Take my advice with some consideration.  It’s for your own good.  You’re not a kook if you plan in advance.

Political Correctness



I’d like to see Chris Rock or Chris Tucker, even Eddie Murphy go 30 days without saying the word Nigger. The truth is, I don’t see anything wrong with the word used in the proper context. As in: “Now Leon’s acting like a nigger”.  Yes I know the history of the word better than most blacks. It’s origination in Denmark by slave-ship captains. Yet that was 300 years ago. Why do blacks perpetuate the use of the word if it’s so hateful and harmful?  Some would call it a chip glued to the shoulder (Ever so conveniently).

It amazes me how television will bleep out the word nigger, yet eagerly telecast GD this and JC that or the ever so ubiquitous OMG.  30 years ago, Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor did a hilarious SNL skit (back when the show was funny)that ended with the word nigger/dead honkey.

The other night on The Biography Channel, I was watching Eddie Murphy talk about how he knew that skit by heart and when he auditioned for SNL, he played the Pryor role and Joe Piscapo played Chevy’s role.  Bio showed the original skit and they Fucking bleeped the word nigger. WTF? They bleeped what they WROTE 30 years ago? And this Bio special on Eddie was on at 10:00PM on Cable. Once again I ask: “What The Fuck”?

I doubt the censors will ever bleep Whitey, Honky, Redneck, Creepy assed Cracker, White Trash, Bubba, Brady Bunch or any other reverse discriminating ethnic slur. There’s something about the word nigger that is perversely sacred.


Dr. Laura Schlesinger lost her A.M. talk show for trying to explain the use of the word nigger in Rap music.  She said something like: “Have you ever heard rap music?  Besides women being called bitches and Hoes; they use the word nigger like the word AND”.  Then she went on to say: “All you hear is “Nigger, nigger, nigger”.

Unfortunately, assholes like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were listening to the replay saying: “Jesse!  Come here nigger.  Oh we gonna git dat bitch”.

Paula Deen rings closing bell at the NASDAQ in New York

It gets even worse, Paula Deen who is as old as Alabama, had someone say that Paula “USE” to use the word nigger, (get this) YEARS AGO.  So the pussies at the Food Network dropped her because of an accusation of something she said 30 years ago?  She immediately apologized. (For what?  That makes me sick).  30 years ago Chevy Chase was reading a script written by NBC saying: “NIGGER” as Richard Pryor responded: “Dead Honkey”.  The skit got great laughs and Chevy Chase nor the writers got fired.  We might not have ever heard of a kid named Eddie Murphy if not for the skit.

Hey Food Net Execs, years ago, all of you use to defecate in your diapers.  Then walked around and cried about it.  I guess not much has changed.  You make me sick.

Ah Fuck You

Ok, this is going to be a rant. But it’s a rant that is long in the making. What the Hell happened to respect, politeness and manners in this country? I was in Long’s drugs store yesterday, and I overheard a 12 or 13 year old saying to an adult ” I dare you to say that to my face.” And he was saying it to his grandmother. I felt like saying to her, “pardon me mam, do you mind if I kick the shit out of your grandson?”

What has happened to America? Did the sixties not only kill off innocence but respect as well?

I had just moved back to the bay area after spending 16 months in Washington State. I don’t know if this is a mid-western informality, but don’t you people in the mid-west cover your mouth when you cough? And can’t you wait to swallow your food before you try to talk? And was it just my parents? Or did your parents teach you never to put your elbows on the dinner table?

I remember shop class back in middle school, my teacher Mr. Capps saying to several people, “son take your hat off in the house” (he meant classroom) It seems every bald male today, thinks a baseball cap can be worn as a hairpiece. Didn’t your mom teach you not to wear your hat in the house? Was I raised in a different country?

Should I be elected to public office; I’ll pass a bill making it legal to strangle to death people that talk on their cell phones in restaurants or movie theatres. Especially the ones that think they have to shout into their phones. I think anyone that gets into an accident while talking on a cell phone should have the same treatment as someone that gets into an accident while DUI.

This one really kills me; People,…………….. let others OFF the elevator before you selfishly elbow your way onto the elevator. Men; hold doors for ladies. Ladies, make your date open the car door for you. Children; say yes sir and yes mam to your elders. NOT JUST YOUR PARENTS.

Parents;  Don’t let your 12 year old girls leave the house looking like a prostitute. Teach your kids to say, “pardon me”, “excuse me”, “Thank you” and “Your Welcome”.

And for those of you that don’t know; When someone asks you “How are you?” or “How do you do?” the correct response is “Fine” or “I am well” You’re not “GOOD” . Good is an adverb. A word used to describe a verb or action word. “He ran good.” “She spells good” GOOD is NOT A STATE OF BEING.

And the number following 99 is pronounced ” hun- dread” NOT “HUH-NERD” or “HUN-DERD” .

And thank you President Carter for inventing the word “New-cue-ler” Bomb. I don’t know what a new-cue- ler bomb is. Is it like a New-clee- er bomb?

And when the Giants are victorious over the A’s, they didn’t “win” the As; they “beat” the A’s.

That’s enough for today class.

Please try being courteous and thoughtful of other people, it will make this world a much better place.


man-pointing-finger-at-womanWoman pointing

Understanding is the key to communication

I remember in college this being the philosophical equivalent of the Chicken and the Egg. It’s true that you can’t communicate an Idea to another without verbalizing it or typing it, or sending smoke signals/semaphore/or even Morris code. And often, action is the surest form of communication.

However, the receiving aspect of communication is just as important as the sending aspect. In other words, If I don’t understand the message you sent to me; we failed to communicate. This happens often when using email. The absence of emotion, emphasis on syllables etc… all leads to miscommunication.

It’s like acoustical physics. If a tree is struck by lightning in the forest and nobody is around to hear it fall does it still make a sound?

If you’re upset with someone for not doing something you wanted them to do; tell them the why behind the emotion. Anger is a poor communication device. The Why behind the How is almost always more important in anything you do. I know this goes against military training, but in real life, it’s almost always more important. If you know what you are trying to mutually achieve, and why, then orders make sense and situations can be put into proper context.

Often miscommunication comes from a variety of flawed logic.

Assumptions are probably the most common source of miscommunication.

Insecurities causing insufficient data is also quite common.

Ignorance and fear of having to learn more than you want to know is also popular.

Selective hearing. (hearing what you want to hear)

And just insufficient data.

All of these can lead to fights, frustration, divorce, firings, war, you name it.

In the military, we were taught to:

1.Tell you what we were about to teach you.

2.Teach you the message.

3.Tell you what we just taught you.

Steven Covey suggests that when you listen to someone, listen as if you were going to be responsible for teaching it to someone else. He also describes active communication when he says “First seek to understand the other person, then attempt to be understood”

American Natives used what was called the Indian talking stick. When seated in a circle, one person would hold the stick and make his statement. Nobody else would be able to rebut the comment until they absolutely understood the person’s statement. Then and only then would the stick be handed to another person.

When we argue and fight, we’re not trying to communicate. While the other person is making their statement, we’re busy preparing our response, all the time ignoring what is being said. This is called the “collective monolog”.

There’s two old sayings. One is “God gave you 2 ears and one mouth for a reason”. (suggesting that listening is twice as important as speaking)

And I quote John Lennon who once said “When you’re drowning, you don’t say politely: I hope someone notices that I’m drowning and has the common decency to provide help. No you SCREAM FOR HELP”.

We should learn to utilize our ears and mouths in this manner. Listening is the key to understanding, which is the key to communication. Your mouth should be used for your self preservation. (eating, breathing and hollering when your drowning)


Ace Andres House

I live with physical pain everyday of my life.  It’s kind of like depression in that you develop coping skills.  I’ve lived with “Memory Pain” since I was 11.  I’ve gotten very good at ignoring physical pain.  The Movie RAMBO comes to mind when Russians are electrocuting Stallone.  The Russian Col. Podovskop says: “I see you’re no stranger to pain”.  Sure it hurts, but there exists in the back of your mind a switch that gives you a small out of body experience.  It doesn’t stop the pain, but it puts you into a “rope-a-dope” frame of mind.


Did you ever wonder why people faint when they see something frightening? That’s a form of neurogenic shock.  It’s actually a mental defense mechanism, a “circuit breaker”, (if I may), for your brain.

Neuro-Physiologists believe that our mind retains everything we witness or experience.  (The Good as well as the Painful) The only good thing about it is God has given us a wonderful gift of buffering the physical pain, yet lets us remember the truly pleasurable (to a degree).  Unlike the pleasurable, the physical pain often leaves visual scars.  That’s why we have long pants, turtle neck shirts and Sun glasses.

Unfortunately, there is another type of pain and pleasure that God allows you to live with.  It’s called (To use a blues term) “Memory Pain”.  That’s musician talk for Psychological pain.  Just as the memory of physical pain never really goes away; Psychological pain is a much more powerful factor in your “recall” mechanism.  Since the pain is “All in your head”.  When the recollection of a painful memory is recalled; the pain is almost as painful as feeling it for the first time.  Unfortunately, just as God buffers the recall of physical pain; memory pain is as real as if it were happening again.  Paradoxically, the good Psychological memories seem to get buffered or sometimes “buried” by the memory pain.


So modern man or counselors have given this data in your memory banks a name. It’s called “Baggage”.


Todd Rundgren wrote a song called: “Time Heals”.  The title verse reads: “Time heals the wounds that no one can see”. I contend that time doesn’t heal memory pain; it only creates a mental scar.  It’s amazing how a song, or a smell (especially a smell) can rip open that scab.  Quantum physicists claim that the mind cannot tell the difference between a memory and reality, especially if the memory is based on reality and not a dream.


Modern Psychiatry says that externalizing emotional pain is the answer to dealing with it.  From a more pragmatic approach, I reference Todd again.  In his song, “Parallel Lines”, Todd writes: “Understanding won’t satisfy the hunger”.  I guess with any 12 step program, understanding you have a problem is the first step (and only the first step) to dealing with it.  The problem is, only a severe case of amnesia can get rid of memory pain.  I’ve come to disbelieve in the concept of “Closure”.  If closure is defined as “Coping with a painful memory” then perhaps.

A person with a severe case of memory pain will be sitting in a 5 star restaurant and a the guy at the piano next to the waterfall will start playing a certain song and you immediately have to get up and excuse yourself to the restroom.  Wait til the tears stop, pull out your visine, compose yourself and make up an excuse about how you’re fighting a stomach bug.  It’s amazing what can trigger memory pain.  The worst part is that most of the time you can’t see it coming.  Here’s a tip: “The longer you internalize your pain, the harder it hits you when it decides to manifest.



In the original movie “MEN IN BLACK” Tommy Lee Jones’ “covert” character is only able to see his former “loved one” from a satellite view.  He’s interrupted by his partner (Played by Will Smith) who uses the worn out cliché: “Well you know what they say? It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all”.

Tommy Lee responds: “TRY IT”!

If the above doesn’t resonate to some degree with you; then you’re probably one of those self-centered, materialistic individuals that can shit on others then go onto ruin another person’s life.


Given the choice between the two?  I’ll take the physical pain.  I’ve lived with severe upper extremity pain since 1996.  In 2009 the pain escalated to a new level.  I say this with more than a grain of salt, but, you learn to live with physical pain.  You “manage” your physical pain.  Sometimes you’re no fun to be around, but you have no choice.

Emotional pain is not as persistent as the physical.  It hides its’ ugly head for months or years.  But just when you think you’re over it; it shows its’ self. Emotional pain is much more pernicious than physical pain.


As I said earlier, my mom died when I was 11.  That made 6th grade miserable.  I was acting out before I even knew what acting out was.  I apologize to my 6th grade teachers.  But I recall being sent to the office for being an asshole.  I had a destiny with the “Board” of education often know as corporal punishment.  What hurt the most was sitting in the secretary’s office waiting for my “ass whooping”.  But the secretary asked me if my Mom was a home, and boy was I in trouble.  I responded almost tearfully: “No mam, my mom is dead”.  Her paradigm shifted into apology mode.  That’s what hurt really bad.  It was public humiliation.  I can remember being struck on the ass with a fungo stick with holes in it, but it was nothing compared to the humiliation in the lobby.  I came out of the spanking with my dignity.  No tears.  But having to confess I had no mother?  That hurt.