SEX, MATH and GETTING OLD

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Michael Douglas And Catherine Zeta-Jones Split

HALF PLUS 7

Or in Michael Douglas’ situation, half plus zero. Douglas is now 70 and Jones is 45

(Half plus 10)

 

A/2 + 7 = Your mistress

 Your Age, divided by 2 (or half your age), plus seven years added is what the formula is describing.  What the hell am I talking about?

I was in the presence of 4 millionaires in their 50s.  Women enjoy talking about being Cougars, but long before the wild feline concept ever came about A/2 + 7 was around.

This is the formula that makes sense at the age of 14.  As 14/2 = 7 + 7 = 14.  So a 14 year old meets a 14 year old.  Half of 14 equals 7.  Add 7 to that and you have 14.

Once you are in the winter years of life and you fear death and resent getting old, the Idea of a mistress pops into what was once a successful entrepreneur.  So rich old men seem to have come up with a formula that is actually a standard in the millionaire community.  (I wouldn’t have known had I not been an outsider listening in)  But those who are of means feel that you should aim for someone half your age and add 7 years to that number.

Example: a 60 year old is looking to have an affair.  He sees a woman who is in her mid-thirties.  60 is a nice round number.  Half of 60 is 30 and by adding 7 you get thirty seven (37).  Now for every year under 37, you consider that a victory bonus.

When I got divorced, I was 40.  The first younger mate I came into contact with was 29.  She was 2 years over the half plus 7 rule and the millionaires scoffed at me.  I got a few conciliatory “Nice Try” remarks from a few, but basically, I was out of their league.  Especially since I was the only one making under 6 digits.

During my single years, I used my charm and striking good looks (Just kidding) to actually attract one of the gold diggers my millionaire friends were coveting.  Let me just say that if you try this, be prepared to watch your life endure misery.  What my elder yet wealthy friends failed to recognize is that another principle that goes with this equation is that the half plus 7 girl toy will have a younger boy toy with more stamina and physical attributes. (versus fiscal attributes).

I guess what goes around, comes around.  I ended up remarrying a woman 2 years younger than myself.  I couldn’t dream of a serious relationship with a woman half my age plus seven years (Unless I was 14 – 20).

They say generational trends (Or “Nostalgia”) works in 20 year cycles.  Since most men start feeling old at 40, the half plus 7 formula doesn’t work when she’s 27 and I’m 40.  Now 36 works.  That would be a 40 year old minus 10%.   But I wouldn’t go much more than 10%.  In fact, the further you pass 40, the smaller I would make the percentage. At the age of 60, that would be 54.  (60 minus 6). Using half plus 7 she would be 37.  That would be a 23 year difference.  You would be in a “Nostalgic” state of mind.

“She wouldn’t remember Areatha Franklin”

And to quote one millionaire who heard I was dating a 29 year old at the age of 40; he said: “What are you two going to do?  Have dinner at Chucky Cheese then go see Bambi”? …………… Obviously pure jealousy.

I think the only reason a woman would wait for a blue pill to take effect would be if she expected to inherit a gold mine. (Or she was truly in love) On the other hand, I don’t think a man would put up with menopause unless he was truly in love with the person going through it.

(*NOTE: I’ve never needed a blue or any other colored pill)

If you’re married to the same person you’ve been married to for 40 years, good for you, stay married.  If you find yourself single again; once you hit 40, stay within 10% of your own age.  At least you can understand each other while text messaging.

IF YOU ARE STILL MARRIED AND ARE CONSIDERING A/2 +7 let me give you one last equation.

 (A + R)/2 – (AF+A1) = Your net total worth.

Assets plus Retirement divided by 2 goes to current spouse. Then subtract Attorney fees and Alimony.  Then ask yourself, is it worth it.  Some say “Yes” you can’t take it with you.  But you risk your new half plus 7 partner doing the same thing unless you get a prenuptial agreement and good luck on that.

 

FAT ASS FRIDAY VOL. 2 ~ CARBS

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CARBOHYDRATES

 

What are Carbs?  In short, it’s what most people call starches.  For the sake of simplicity, we’ll just say, Rice, Potatoes and yummy Pasta.  It’s also bread, chips most products made from grain.  Unfortunately, it’s also sugar and the stuff in BEER.

Carbs have gotten a bad reputation thanks to the Atkins diet and Dr. Atkins has a point, but the Carbs alone are not necessarily bad.  Runners like to “Carbo-load” before a race.  Carbs give you energy. Sugar is a probably the most commonly used carbohydrate.(and it comes in various types). But if you’ve ever had the 3:00PM blues and you’re really tired, if you grab a candy bar like a Snickers or a Baby Ruth, you’ll be humming for about 10 minutes until you go into insulin withdrawal.

This is where Carbs get ugly.  Personally, when I need energy or motivation, I grab a Neapolitan Icecream sandwich.  Now, these IceCream Sandwiches are not what they were 30 years ago.  They’ve gone up in price and down in substance.  It’s like a bag of chips.  The bag is the same size, but it’s got more air in the bag than chips.  But if the Carbs can motivate you, creativity might keep you going until you can finish off the day.

So much for the good aspect of Carbs.

Ah………I just had an Ice Cream Sandwich.  Hey it’s 3:00PM.  So now let’s have a quick discussion about the negative aspect of Carbs.  Have you ever noticed that really obese people MUST have bread with their meals?  Whether it be rolls or a loaf of French bread, obese people are addicted to the extra carbs.

This is the issue plain and simple.  Just as your body needs insulin to distribute (almost escort) sugar to your muscles and soft tissue, Carbs act like spackle and attach themselves to fat cells.  This is why Dr. Atkins says, the big mac is ok as long as you don’t eat the bun.  You see; the fat (theoretically) cannot attach its’ self to your body if it doesn’t have the Carbs.  THE FAT CANNOT ATTACH ITS’ SELF TO YOUR BODY IF IT DOES NOT HAVE CARBS TO ESCORT IT.

Using this logic; can you now understand why some of the worst foods are carbs that are deep fried?  Yes, even Donuts.

The problem with Dr. Atkin’s diet is attrition.  The key to any diet is consistency which is the opposite of attrition. I love white bread.  I eat 2 slices a day.  My ex-wife would only buy wheat bread for 17 years and I missed white bread almost as much as I don’t miss my ex-wife.  I eat one slice of white (Wonder Bread if I can find it) and two table spoons of natural crunchy “Laura Scudder’s” peanut butter with a squirt (teaspoon) of Welch’s grape jelly on the side.  It’s about a 170 calories but the peanut butter is monosaturated fat so it is actually good for me and rids me of hunger.  Then, like the slim fast diet, I have a reasonable dinner.  So it’s one meal a day and two PBJs.  If I get hungry during the day, I have a handful of unsalted roasted peanuts.

And since I’m not going to spend time on salt, just let me say it’s not the evil that it has been made out to be.  Salt will make it harder for you to lose weight because it makes you retain your liquids.

So the key to reducing your fat ass is to monitor your SATURATED fat intake.  Is it mono or poly saturated?  That’s what the bottom line is.  If you’re going to have “Meat Loaf” and Mashed potatoes for dinner, just make sure that you buy low fat ground meat.  I use ground sirloin.  Granted the taste comes from the fat, but you’ll get used to it.

Substitute Olive oil for cooking oil.  It’s much pricier, but it’s probably the second healthiest thing you can do to fortify your weight loss attempts.  Remember, attrition can kill your feeding habits as bad as binging.

OVERVIEW

 

When it comes to my view on carbs, I find rice the hardest to refrain from.  Chinese food without rice is like Spaghetti without pasta.  Only, Chinese food is hard to consume without saturated fats.  As for potatoes, I’ve given up the ever so enjoyable French fry.  The best way to do this is to give up fast foods.  Do you know how McDonalds’ got its’ reputation for having the best French fries in the fast food industry?  They were using beef tallow to fry their fries in.  Beef tallow can give you chest pains just thinking about it.  Scientist discovered quite easily that a small order of McDonalds’ fries had more saturated fat in it than a Big Mac.  One of the few regulations the government did that I have to agree with was forcing Mickey Dees to quit frying their slivers of potatoes in pure emulsified FAT.  But they tasted great.  It’s no wonder the boomers that grew up on fast food are having heart issues.

If you eat carbs, make sure you don’t eat the fats that go with it.  The old saying that carbs turn to fat is a wives tale.  It takes forever for carbs to turn to fat.  On the other hand, carbs mixed with fat is like adding a fuse to dynamite.  That’s the best description I can give you.  A fuse won’t kill nor will a stick of dynamite without the lit fuse.  But put the two together and you can kiss your 32 inch waste goodbye in a very quick amount of time. (Depending on how mobile you are during the day).  So go ahead and eat your bread, it won’t kill you.  Eat your Brat, it won’t kill you.  But put the brat in a bun and you’ve just stuck the fuse to the dynamite.

 

 

 

NEVER RUN FROM…

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 rearview mirror carjacking

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

RUN TO!

This is a principle that I think even the late great Dr.Stephen Covey would agree is “Universal”.  Whatever the situation is; never RUN FROM your current status just to get away; rather, RUN TO a specific place that you would rather to be at.

This principle applies to nearly everything you do.  If you see a traffic jam ahead, you should not make the first turn you see to avoid the gridlock.  Think about an alternate route you may be able to access that will get you to your destination safely.  My point is don’t respond with a knee jerk response.  Sure, sometimes unplanned evasive maneuvers are necessary to avoid obvious injury but in most cases, you should always be aware of your surroundings and have an immediate plan B.

Did you know that soldiers that plant land mines do so anticipating what the natural response is going to be?  If a bouncing Betty is in the ground at point A, when it discharges, the natural response for the squad will be to take cover in a ditch.  This is where mine #2 is usually planted.  Did you know that in America, most Americans enter buildings using the right door? My point is, the bad guys understand behavior predictability.   We want to avoid danger, but we want to do so with our brain and not our nervous system.

Changing Jobs.

Often, people get into places of employment they can’t tolerate because it was a better place to be than “homeless”.  Even in this example, you ran to a poor choice of employment. (This is assuming they wouldn’t hire you at Microsoft).  So you say to yourself: “At least it’s a paycheck”.  Soon you find that selling rectal thermometers to medical offices is a real pain in the butt. (No pun intended) Your subconscious mind is telling you: “We gotta get out of this place” (If it’s the last thing we ever do).  Using the “Run From” mentality, we often find ourselves leaping from the frying pan into the deep fat fryer.  Here is where the proactive/completion backwards principle comes into play.

You tolerate selling rectal thermometers and do the best job you can.  Even if you are flipping burgers, do the best you can and do not show resentment.  Yet keep your eye on that job at Microsoft or Apple while you’re doing your best at your dead end job.  Doing your best at whatever you do is a good habit to develop.  It speaks more about you than your resume could ever expose.  It also teaches you to appreciate all that you have been blessed with. (A secret to life).  Future employers are quick to pick up on people that have good solid character.

stalked

Escaping Danger

Let me repeat, you always need to be aware of your surroundings.  Whether it be walking from your penthouse to the parking lot, or walking from Fisherman’s wharf to the S.F. police station because your car got towed.  Always be aware of your surroundings.  Even in your car, check that car out in your rear view mirror.  Are they following you home? Many home invasions happen when you are seen at an outdoor ATM.  You’re followed home and not only are you robbed of your withdrawal, but if you look like Angelina Jolie, you can kiss goodbye your jewelry, big screen TV and your virginity.  If you’re lucky, you’ll come out of it alive.

If you suspect you’re being followed, don’t race home. (Running From)  Heaven knows you don’t want to lead the bad guys to your nest.  I would instruct you to make a series of 4 right turns. Again, make sure you know where the turns lead to.  If you see them shadowing you, don’t “RUN FROM” THEM.  “RUN TO” The Police department.  Are you starting to understand the principle?  And should you be in the worst case scenario after the 4 right turns and you’re at a red light or behind traffic, keep them in your rear view mirror and if you see them exiting their vehicle, (being aware of your surroundings) leave room between you and the car in front of you and once they exit the vehicle and come towards you,(usually after a slight rear end collision) make your escape maneuver by passing the cars in front of you, or running the red light.  If you have to, drive up on the side walk while wailing on your car’s horn.

The Bad Relationship

This is a situation that you should always try to avoid.  This situation is often a result of RUNNING FROM LONELINESS and RUNNING TO the UNKNOWN for the sake of companionship or worse: “Low Self-esteem”.  You should never be dependent on someone else.  (This includes the government).  You should go into a relationship standing on your own two feet so you can leave on your own two feet.  It’s like leaving maneuverable space between your car and the car in front of you.  Never the less, human emotions often get us into the social position of selling rectal thermometers. But what’s worse than a miserable job is being abused physically and perhaps mentally by a person you thought loved you.  In this case, as before, that voice is singing the old “Animals” song: “We gotta get outta this place”.  And I would imply that it is a good Idea to have a plan B for the unexpected.  Just like making 4 right turns and leaving space in front of your vehicle, know where you can RUN TO should you need to get away from a bad situation.  Consider your parents’ house if you have them.  Or if you must; consider a shelter for the abused.  But don’t do it because you are running from him or her.  Do it because you are RUNNING TO a safer and more preferable life.  We are spirits in human bodies and we make mistakes.  I truly do believe the only bad mistakes are the ones you do not learn from or “survive”.

In closing I wanted to leave you with this image. In the movies and television, we’ve often seen the scene where the victims are being chased by the bad guys in a 1963 light blue Impala.  The victim or victims are always running straight down the middle of the street or parking lot.  As viewers, we ask ourselves or the person we’re sitting with: “Why don’t they just dash in between that row of cars or jump over that fence?  They always try to outrun that Chevy 350 V8 engine with 400 plus braking horse power.  This is because they are focused on RUNNING FROM the BAD GUYS and not RUNNING TO a SAFE PLACE.

Whether it’s in your car, your workplace, a conflict or your bedroom, always be aware of your surroundings and its’ proximity to your destination.  It’s rarely a bad idea to constantly have a plan “B”.

 

SALVAGE YOUR PAST

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Salvage

How to Salvage your past:

Again, let me quote the late Frank Zappa: “You are what you is”.  Now let me add, hopefully not what you were.  With every new second or breath we should become a better person.  By this I don’t mean necessarily richer or physically superior; rather smarter, more compassionate and understanding.  (And all of the other good qualities that would make you a yen/yang balanced human).

Did you know that people that graduated Phi Beta Kappa have some of the same problems as people that were hungry and neglected growing up?  It’s true.  Sometimes, having your parents lay out your future for you is almost as bad as being raised by wolves.  Your past is a memory.  In fact, by the time your mind processes these words your reading, they will be a memory.  Yet when you look back on your past, think about what has STUCK in your mind.  Was it a horrific abusive ass kicking you got from a supposed loved one?  Or even worse, was it a time of joy and harmony that got ripped from you like someone tearing your heart out?

Whatever the case may be, take some time and go back over the worst aspects of your former life, (because that’s what it is. The person you used to be) and “glean” the good that came from it.  There do not exist any amnesia pills that will make you forget the troublesome aspects of your life.  But once you realize that the past is just a memory, it can’t harm you anymore like it did the first time you fell off off your bicycle.

Depending on your Age, go over your

Developmental years: The time you were dependent on your parents

The Years of finding your footing: When you got your first job and apartment.

The Constructive years:  The years you started contributing to society.

The years of winter: After the divorce, after the nest became empty, and when contemplating or living in retirement.
You can find plenty of great tools and skills/experiences you can hold on to from each of these 4 seasons.  During the developmental years, you can see how what you thought was important then is meaningless now.  You may have feared the death of your parents now you realize that your time is next in the queue and that life for your survivors will go on until it’s their turn.  You can appreciate how important learning is, whether it be your ABCs or the Pythagorean therom.  Learning is valuable.

In your years of standing, you learn how to set achievable goals.  You think about the 5% you retained from College.  You work your way up the ladder of success. (Sometimes finding it against the wrong wall)

In your constructive years, you start to wonder if you’re doing what you are doing for the money or for the contribution to mankind.  You may have done things in your “Job” that help you now such as good communication skills, or Professionalilsm.

Winter: You covet that which is truly important in your life.  It’s something a special few learn from having really wonderful parents who are at that stage of life.  For some reason, I can’t see Ann and Mitt Romney saying: “You better decide quickly because when you turn 18, you’re out of this house”.   And perhaps more than anything, you become more proactive and try to predict unintended consequences. As the result of not staying a step ahead often means falling 3 steps behind.

It’s like going through boxes in the garage and finding that old jacket that still fits.  Or finding a wedding gift that you never appreciated at the time but now you take joy in using it when guests come over.  You don’t always have to remember the fights or bad decisions.  You’re a new person everyday.  Be the best version of yourself you can be.

THE STORY OF ANDREW BREITBART

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Andrew

Happy Birthday Andrew, God rest your soul.

A year later and Edward Snowden is still on the lamb.

In 2012 The name Breitbart became a verb.  Just as the term suicide is used as a façade for murder (As in: “They’ll suicide me”) Andrew Breitbart is dead and before his body was even cold, the mid-stream media released a press report saying Breitbart died of natural causes.  So when someone politically active dies, one can use the name Breitbart as a verb as in: “He got Breitbarted”. (Meaning he was snuffed out mysteriously and the cover up was in motion before Andrew’s heart stopped).

Andrew Breitbart’s death was a message to those who knew too much.  You can be “Neutralized” and it will look like natural causes.

Edward Snowden was an employee of the NSA with a high security level rating.  He allegedly downloaded the NSA Database and has been exposing the NSA for spying on us, the American Public.  Part of the country sees him as a traitor and politicians especially want to see Snowden hang for treason.  Some of America as well as the rest of our allies see Snowden as a hero who outed the practices of the Obama Administration. German Chancellor Angela Merkel was informed that her cell phone calls had been tapped.  Senator Rand Paul is filing charges against the Obama administration for violations of the 4th amendment. (Right to privacy and due process)

I believe, (Looking at it from Snowden’s POV) he had no choice but to do what he did when you consider the ability of the NSA’s ability to track down hackers, let alone a breach of security within the NSA.  Should he have done it?  I can’t answer that.  I would like to know what was on the memory sticks he gave to China and Russia.  If he thought he was acting in the best interest of our country I don’t think he had many plausible options.  I’ve heard politicians that were shocked! Shocked I tell you to find out the NSA was spying on its’ citizens, then have the nerve to say he should have testified before congress.  Perhaps Mr. Snowden has a memory stick that explains how

Andrew Breitbart really died and Snowden understands how short his life expectancy would be if he would have gone to congress.  Andrew simply said he had info on Obama.  His exact words at the C-Pac convention was:”We have information and this time you will be vetted Mr.Obama”.

What Can Snowden Do?

Stirb langsam

Hans Grüber once said while stealing 700 million dollars in Bara bonds  if you steal 100 dollars nobody will look for you.  When you steal 700 Million dollars they will find you unless they think your dead.

As far as silly claims of “Clemency”; to quote Tony Soprano: “Forget about it” Snowden will be “Breitbarted” before he has a chance to raise his right hand.  He will have died from bad caviar from Russia.  For all intents and purposes, Snowden is a dead man if he makes any public appearances.  He needs to go into a German witness protection program or perhaps Lichtenstein then somehow disappear in Switzerland.   Edward Snowden is no Mark Felt. AKA Deep Throat. (The anonymous confidential informer on “Watergate”)

Deep

In fact with today’s technology; Felt would have been hunted down in hours and “Neutralized”. (Or Breitbarted). Welcome to Chicago politics. If Edward Snowden is smart, He will stop making videos unless they are to head fake his former NSA comrades. Shave his head or put on a Phil Robertson beard.  It should be Glenn Greenwald’s mission statement now, to take down the Obama administration.

 

Andrew. Rest in peace and Happy Birthday.

FAT ASS FRIDAY Vol.1

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YOU & YOUR FAT ASS

Vol. 1 FATS

 

A Majority of Americans today are a good 10 to 60 pounds overweight.  What do I blame it on? No it’s not your love of Ice Cream Sandwiches or Bon Bons; It’s the thing you’re starring at, but more so the thing your Fat Ass is sitting on.

When we were blessed with the era of information, we were also shifted into the era of sedentary labor.  Now what use to take 4 guys with Schwarzenegger arms, now can be done by a 110 pound female with the help of a robotic arm.  Yep, that back seat to your new car can glide into place with just a little guidance from one human arm.

Instead of having to climb into an air duct to check humidity and vacuum, all you have to do is pull down a computer menu attached to probes in the duct and you can do it all from your cushy chair.

The new industrial injury has shifted from the low back or lumbar disc damage to “Carpal Tunnel Syndrome”, “Obesity”, “Hypertension” and a “plethora of anal conditions”. Seriously, I’ve written several articles on taking really good care of your ass if you sit on it all day.

YOU DON’T WANT RECTAL SURGERY.  Hemorrhoids OUCH, Anal Fistulas DOUBLE OUCH.  And it’s not the condition, it’s the ugly surgery and recovery.  This is why you need to pull up a bar stool, (Or stand) at the Café Americain on Fridays.  I’m going to help you get rid of that FAT ASS.

Before I start the HOW TO part; I need to reprogram your brain.  I’m not going to talk about diets or weight loss programs.  KNOWLEDGE is POWER. So for Volume 1 just want to focus on FAT.

FATS: Taste really good.  You’ll find it in Ice Cream, Red Meat, even my favorite sustenance Peanuts. Now don’t freak out on me, but there’s good fats and bad fats.

First: Bad Fats.  These are “Poly-saturated” fats. It means that the molecule that make up the fat are small and sticky.  What happens when you run fine sticky sand through Tubing with fine holes in it?  The holes clog and fat builds up.

Now the Good Fats.  Yes it is an Oxymoron.  You should avoid fats if possible but most of the culinary arts do not.  So if you’re going to buy oil to cook with.  Buy extra Virgin Olive oil.  It’s what is called Mono-saturated.  What happens if you put large rocks through that same tubing that has been clogged with the fine sand?  It tends to push it out of the tubing.

So it’s important that you look at the labels and see what kind of fat you’re eating.  Peanuts are rich in fat, but it’s mainly mono-saturated fat.

I’ll try to keep this simple because I know most of you have not studied biophysics, but when you hear your doctor talk about good cholesterol and bad cholesterol; he or she is talking about good and bad fats.  Only the scientific term is called “Lipids”.  (As in Lip-o-suction) with this in mind; now you can understand HDL cholesterol and LDL cholesterol.  AKA “high density lipids” and “low density lipids”.  Low density lipids or fat is like spackle.  It sticks to your tubes, only in this case we’ll call them arteries and veins.  High density lipids are like toilet bowl brushes.  They lower the amount of LDL building up in your arteries.  Pills like Lipitor are the equivalent of Draino.  After 10 years of use, we’ve found that Drano can rot your delicate tubes. (Lipitor or “statins” can damage your muscles, the companies don not deny this). BTW, your heart is a big muscle.  So the principle you want to remember is:

 

DON’T EAT POLY-SATURATED FATS.   

Pardon the pun but, “chew on this info for a while”.  We’ll talk about Carbs and Proteins soon.  But I do not want to over load your mind.  Lastly I want to talk about what fats are good for.

First: They usually taste really good. Second: If you survive a plane crash and you’re in the wilderness looking for food, your fat acts as a reserve form of sustanence.  I’m not saying it makes you superman/woman but it’s been shown that fat people are usually the last to starve to death.  On the other hand, healthy people are in a better position to find and catch or gather food.

AN INTERVIEW WITH JESUS

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JesusBaptism

AN INTERVIEW WITH JESUS

 

I was daydreaming of what it would be like if I got to sit across from Jesus, the Christ on Superbowl Sunday and interview Him.  The following were my thoughts.

 

Ace: Jesus, thank you for letting me talk to you.

Jesus: Anytime, anywhere.  I’m always there.

Ace: Let me get this right; You’re 1/3 of the Holy Trinity, correct?

Jesus: That’s what you say.

Ace: All I know is what I’ve read from the Holy Bible.

Jesus: Yes I’ve heard of this collection of writings.

Ace: Did you ask that such a book be written about You, the Holy Spirit and your Father?

Jesus: Does it say I did?

Ace: Not that I can recall.

Jesus: I told my followers to go into all the world teaching and baptizing in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Ace: Will we go to Hell if we don’t?

Jesus: Do you think you should?

Ace: You died and were without a heartbeat for 3 days, then you came back to life and reports say that hundreds saw you after you were killed on the cross.

Jesus: Hey, better Me than you. Right?  It was the plan from the beginning.

Ace: You told Peter that you could call on more than 12 legions of Angels and wipe out the Roman Army.  Why didn’t you?

Jesus: I came to bring peace and not war.  The Father wants those who love him on faith, not fear.  He wants you to be your best, not a blob of molecules with an electrical charge.

Ace: Why can’t we see the Father?

Jesus: He’s there. Can you see the wind?  You know it’s there.  You can see the results of it, but you can’t see it, can you?

Ace: Are all humans created equal?

Jesus: Where did you read that? You are all the Father’s children whom he love’s very much.

Ace: Our forefathers wrote that in a document we call the “Declaration of Independence”.

Jesus: Did they die for your sins?

Ace: Not that I can recall.

Jesus: All men were created with free will.

Ace: Why is there Evil in the world?

Jesus: Ask Adam.

Ace: Why did you even let Adam near the tree with the fruit of knowledge?

Jesus: We want human spirits to be able to use their free will. We didn’t want Stepford humans.

Ace: You’ve seen that movie, The Stepford Wives?

Jesus: I see everything.

Ace: What were your thoughts?

Jesus: Meh…

Ace: Satan is so much more powerful than humans, how is the common man to face such a cleaver and evil opponent?

Jesus: You have Me, the Father and the Holy Spirit.  That’s 3 against 1. You’re not alone.

Ace: Why do bad things happen to good people?

Jesus: It’s the price of free will.

Ace: Can I get to heaven if I don’t repent of my sinful ways, confess God is the one true God, ask for forgiveness and be baptized?

Jesus: The Father loves Our creation and can let whomever He wants into Paradise.  But if you prefer to make up your own rules just remember, that’s your decision.

Ace: So why do so many “religions” teach that salvation requires this, this, and that to get into heaven?

Jesus: Ace, I didn’t come here to start religions.  I came to offer humans a way.  I died in the flesh so that you don’t have to die in the afterlilfe.  I didn’t write a book called “Salvation for Dummies”.  I didn’t write any books at all.  The only thing I wrote was in the dirt.  You have all you need to get to heaven.  I promised it to the 12 and those who heard it from the 12.  Any more questions?

Ace: Just one.  Is Bill O’Reilly a saint or a pinhead?

Jesus: Both.  He’s a pinhead because he only allows his guests so much “free will” when it comes to answering his questions. Yet we all love him anyway.

Ace: What makes him a saint?

Jesus: He puts up with Geraldo.

YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

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timeclock

The human lifespan is relatively short when you think about it.  I strongly believe that you chose the life you’re living. (You are what you is) When I look back at my time in the military (Several decades ago) I can say I left with an honorable discharge and the enlisted rating of a non-commissioned officer. Not bad for a kid that enlisted at the age of 17 and didn’t know what he was doing.  But I really wish I would have had some guidance.  Since I am what I is; I guess climbing the ladder of Success in the military wouldn’t guide me towards what I knew was my first love.  Music!  But the military gave me many hours of free time to practice scales and work on soloing techniques.

Yet had I been mentoring myself back then, I would have said to myself, why don’t you take the test for the next level?  I guess because all I wanted to do was create music and not become a higher paid member of the Armed forces.  I didn’t realize I could have done both.  I think subconsciously I thought by climbing that ladder, I would turn my back on my first love.

So I believe that before you sailed down the vaginal canal and had your umbilical cord ligated and severed; you said to the powers that be: “Sure I’ll take a shot at being born under these circumstances”.  Sounds like a bunch of crap doesn’t it?  Why on earth would anyone say: “Sure, I want to be born a Jew in Berlin around 1925”?  Perhaps we have limited choices. “Who knows”? Again, like I said yesterday, you are what you is.  There were many Jews that said in 1933: “See Ya.  I’m heading for America”.  I said that had I been born in the Sahara Desert, I would have moved to a new location where there was food.

It’s easy to say that now. (At my age)  Where was that vision when I was a lower paid non-commissioned officer?  It’s water somewhere miles from the bridge.  I wrote once that we are all living in the past. (Literally, once your brain interprets stimulus, the event has already come and gone) So we need to anticipate or “be in sync” with the future. Instead of using Stephen Covey’s formula of “Stimulus, space, response”.  We need to constantly put another space in front of the Stimulus part so that the space that does exist between Stimulus and response is smaller and we do not need to create our response based on an insufficient paradigm.  This “space” is what Stephen Covey called being “Pro-active”.  He made it the first principle of highly effective people.  Dr. Covey said: “#1, begin with the end in mind”.  Or as the “Tubes” called it, “The completion backwards Principle”

.Text

I’ll give you an example.  You’re walking through the parking lot late at night.  Do you read your text messages on your phone (laughing at a stupid video) or do you keep your keys in one hand and perhaps a foldable combat knife in your other hand while being aware of your potentially dangerous environment?

texting

I’ll make it even easier.  When you go to bed do you just turn off the Television and say goodnight or do you do a walk through to make sure doors and windows are secured?

I’m not saying live in fear, I’m saying live in preparation.  Let’s go the other way.  I’ll use my own situation as the example.  If David Bowie called me and said: “Ace, I want you to fly to my studio in New York to audition for my touring band”.  Do I say sure and get all excited and tell all my friends that I’m going to tour with David Bowie or do I make a check list of all of things like new strings, transporting my gear, my appearance, learning every single David Bowie song I have access to (up to and including Queen’s under pressure) and getting the material I don’t have access to?

Stage back

I can see myself shaking David’s hand and saying: “Where’s our first stop on the tour”?

Here is another key to being a successful human.

Did you ever see Johnny Carson do his act “The Amazing Carnac”?  Johnny would get questions from the audience (supposedly) and he would know the answer before he opened the envelope.

There are people in life that are so willing to finish your sentence for you because they want to impress you with their knowledge.  It’s RUDE and ANNOYING!  NEVER finish someone else’s sentence unless they say something like, I can’t remember their name, or help me out here.  When you know you are going to meet someone important, someone you might want to work with; study everything you can find about them. THEN, in conversation, act natural.  Nobody likes name droppers and certainly nobody cares to have their thunder stolen. Here’s another secret: “Nobody wants someone they know they can have”.  So don’t show any form of worship.  (That comes from the Ten Commandments. #1.  It’s more than just a commandment.  It’s great advice)

You can make your human experience so much more dynamic and enjoyable by using spiritual principles.  These principles are not rules or regulations.  They’re like the wind.  You can’t see them, but if you set your sails accordingly, you can use them to navigate (sometimes quickly).  And like all principles, it doesn’t matter if you believe in them or not.  They exist regardless.  Try not believing in Gravity.  Dr. Stephen Covey wrote that he believed that God was responsible for these principles.  It’s not a religion, they’re in all religions.

I would encourage that young 17 year old version of myself to read and try to understand the spiritual advice that is available to him with an open mind.  In fact I did and it gave me the perimeters of right and wrong.  It kept me out of jail.  But nobody ever gave me guidance on setting achievable goals.  But then perhaps life is not about “greatness” but simply “being the best version of yourself”.

“YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS”

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Zappa

Key Lines written by Frank Zappa 1981

Do you know what you are?

You are what you is

You is what you am

A cow don’t make ham

 

 A foolish young man

From a middle class fam’ly

Started singin’ the blues

‘Cause he thought it was manly

 

A foolish young man

Of the Negro Persuasion

Devoted his life

To become a Caucasian

 

He stopped eating pork

He stopped eating greens

He traded his dashiki

For some Jordache Jeans

He learned to play golf

An’ he got a good score

Now he say to himself

“I AIN’T NO NIGGER NO MORE . . . HEY! HEY! HEY!”

It’s funny how this was written 35 years before anyone ever heard of Barack Hussein Obama.  It was also written about the time that Stevie Ray Vaughan started the “Blues Revival”.  It was the B side of Valley Girl.

MTV refused to play the YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS video.

Although Frank Zappa was known for his satire in his song writing, behind the satire was a message of how messed up we can be as humans.  I think this song could have been re-titled: “Get over yourself”.

I’ve always said that if I was born in the fucking African Desert, I would have taken the late Sam Kennison’s advice and “MOVED TO WHERE THE FOOD IS”.  The human mind is so vulnerable.  Satan comes along and says: “You ugly”. So you become introverted and shy. Then Satan says, “You’ll never go anywhere or do anything with your worthless life”.  So you become even more vulnerable and join a cult.  You build your façade on a cult of personality.  You fake it until you make it.  But sometimes,

Just sometimes………………. You buy a paperback written by a self-help writer.  If you’re lucky, you submerge yourself into personal development and you don’t care what others say.  That really smart guy named Albert Einstein once wrote: “Within each of us lays a genius.  If you judge a fish on his ability to climb a tree, he’ll go through life thinking he’s stupid.

Ya see ~ that’s the key to being a human.  Get your head right; then devote every action you do towards that person you want to be.  Stephen Covey, one of the greatest self-help writers of our time once said that he was inspired to write self-help when he read line that said: “Between stimulus and response there lays a space.  In that space lays your chance to determine your response”.   He realized that the future of his life was often a direct result of the response he chose in that space.  Sometimes the response would be to give a person a hug and comfort them.  Sometimes it was a short space where you needed to decide to kill or be killed, or fight or flight.  No matter what the stimulus is, your result should be in alignment with who or what you want to be as a human.

If you need help; complete this sentence: “I am going to be a _______ because of my unique ability to ________”!   Feel free to use as many words as you need such as” I’m going to be a Chef because of my unique ability to use spices in a creative way that makes people happy!

Or, I’m going to be a Police officer because of my unique ability and desire to protect those who cannot protect themselves”!

Once you’ve decided what you want to be, (and are satisfied with the “because” part of the sentence) everything you do should bring you closer to your destination.  And even once you become what you want to be, put the word “Better” in front of the first blank.

You see, your voyage here on earth is always about becoming.  It’s never about arriving.

I want to be “the best guitarist/singer/writer I can be because of my unique ability to play the guitar with incredible skill and write songs that touch people so they will remember me”! 

AMERICA’S TERMITE PROBLEM

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WE REAP WHAT WE SOW

Termites

 

Yesterday, 22 January 2015, I wrote about the paradigm shift from the “Greatest Generation” the generation that fought WWII; up through today’s.  The children of the 60s, many of whom grew up as part of the “Counter-Culture” are in positions of major importance today.  Example: Barack Hussein Obama.  His parents and mentor were communists and Muslims.

(Hey I didn’t make up his name) Furthermore, at one point he changed his name to Barry Soetoro.  So why did he change it back to a name of Muslim Origin?  Was it to be cool with the other black kids?  That is the one adjective that the counter culture clings to as their claim to achievement; they’re cool.

Unfortunately, the cool kids were easy to beat up in school.  The cool kids usually cut class and went golfing, err, I mean smoked dope, err, I mean hung out. Yeah that’s it.  As does Barack Hussein Obama.  How did he do in the world of Academia?  Who knows?  He’s had his school records sealed and will not allow them to be made public.  After six years, you can tell when the cool kid hasn’t studied for his S.A.T. exam.  Ours is failing badly (figuratively speaking as president). But he still governs on coolness.  He’s appeared on more television shows than he has in front of congress.  When he does appear on TV shows, he treated like a cool teddy bear.  While the whole time he’s on “The View” Russia is invading the Ukraine and Iran is polishing their new ICBM missiles.  When he’s golfing; ISIS is beheading Americans and he’s smiling for photo ops.

 That’s the Macro view.

 Let’s look at how the “cool parents” have raised their offspring.  I’ll give you one name: Michael Brown.  Do you want another? Trayvon Martin!  It’s no wonder teens are ending up dead.  They’ve developed a “You can’t touch me” attitude from their big role model the Manchurian President himself.

It was Bush that made me ruin the country.

It was the Republicans that wouldn’t let me get things done.

Hey Barry, you had Harry Reid doing your dirty work in the Senate for 6 years) Did you know that over 300 house bills are sitting in the congress that Harry Reid would not allow to come to vote?  Now like the spoiled little failure that he is (I won 2 elections) all he can say is: “I’ll veto whatever I do not like”.  But he’s gone so narcissistic that even Democrats are yelling at him.

 

 

After a year in office, I believe it was Charles Krauthammer who said: “He’s obviously in over his head”.   By the way, the president won two elections.  Republicans have won about 300 since he’s been in office.

 

The old Democrat in me (whom I fed to the lions in 1980) really hates what this inner circle of liberals have done to the DNC.  John F. Kennedy would have been called a Hater by Whoopi Goldberg if he were alive and running in 2016.  (That’s if you can remember that whole thing with Cuba and Russian missiles aimed at the U.S. or US.

 

Just as Hitler had his inner circle; so does Obama.  Instead of Himmler, Göring, and Göebles; we have Jaret, Pelosi and Reid.  Hitler’s henchmen were evil, perhaps more evil than Hitler.  Obama’s lackeys are stooges. Only more dangerous than Larry, Moe and Curly.

 

I use to hear a term in the 70s when Carter established the federal department of education in October of 1979. Go back even further to the 60s when LBJ proclaimed his “War on poverty”.

 The term?  “The Dumbing Down of America”. 

It started with the crap that was being shown on television.  Although tame by today’s standards, shows like Three’s company were the beginning of the end of mores in America.

MORES (pronounced Mor-ays)

Plural noun, Sociology 

             1. Folkways of central importance accepted without question and embodying the fundamental moral views of a group.

 

 

It seemed harmless at the time, but soon we would have “The Housewives of” (fill in the city).

Enter a wretched form of entertainment called Rap.  A pontificating uneducated asshole’s dream that defines women as nothing more than sex objects, and glorifies gang violence.  It used to be (in the ghetto) that if you wanted to be something, you had to be tall and shoot hoops. (Or join a gang) Now, it’s be a rapper and join a gang.  Again yet another form of the dumbing down of America.

But it doesn’t take much to see that Manchurian Politics has forced the private market to hire people that should not be working.  To quote “Green Jobs Czar & self-proclaimed Communist” Van Jones “Yall gonna have to give Pookie a job”.

Well Pookie got a job and now Pookie steals my mail.  An institution that use to pride its’ self on delivering the mail (or Post for you across the pond) is now stealing the mail.  Pookie steals my credit card number at the department store.  Pookie steals my Social Security number at the Bank.  Pookie steals with impunity.

What inspired me to write this vapid article on attrition?  I’ve noticed in the last 5 (maybe 10)years that I’ve had to show extra patience at check-out stands while Juanita is doing the “English to Spanish translation” in her head, then hoping that she hits the right keys on her register or waiting for Shenequa who is waiting for the cash register to tell her how much change I get when the price is $4.99 and I hand her a $5.00 bill.

Recently I ordered a custom made calendar for 2015. It came with the title saying 2015 on the front (as I designed it that way) yet it came printed on last year’s 2014 calendar.  So I call and get Pookie on the phone. Pookie says “Dat cool, I take care of it”.  I got another 2014 calendar 11 days later.  Finally I called back and got someone named John that spoke professionally who said: “I’m sorry sir, I’ll take care of that for you.  It came correctly two days later.

Along with patience, you now have to “double” or even “triple check” everything that you do.  When I call and make an appointment, a week in advance I call to make sure it’s still on the books.  When I order something, I always check to see if it has been shipped.  When I take down information over the phone I always say: “OK, let me read this back to you to make sure we’re both in the same queue on this”.  When someone says: “That will get shipped out tomorrow” and I need it quickly, I’ll call and ask if it got shipped out.

The most important word in the daily performance of life is “CONFIRMATION”.

What I’m saying is the age of a dumbed down America is here.  I fear that soon it will be gone.  Not the age of stupidity but America.  Do you know what they call a country that has uneducated proletariats working in the masses?

 Communism.

OBAMUNISM

The American Experiment was founded on sacrifice, hard work, dedication and honesty (only back then they called it Godliness).  We inherited a fine country.  It was a fine working, well-tuned machine.  And to this day, the only one of its’ kind. 1 in a series of 1.  Then we gave the keys to the Ferrari to a bunch of drunk Teenagers.  Those who were allowed jobs without the ability to read found their place of employment a fine place to steal.  Sloth and crime has replaced the work ethic.  If you don’t work for something you can’t enjoy it. Political correctness has allowed termites to enter the woodwork of societies all over the world.

 

You know what the two alternatives are.